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A Psy-Cop enters the mind of a killer on death row in an attempt to unlock a suppressed memory that may prove his innocence.
What is the goal? What is the obstacle? Sure, the cop wants to prove the man's innocence, but why? He was his best friend? He's the cop who sent him away? What prevents the cop from getting the info right away? Is there a possibility the cop could get stuck in the convict's mind? If the convict is eRead more
What is the goal? What is the obstacle? Sure, the cop wants to prove the man’s innocence, but why? He was his best friend? He’s the cop who sent him away? What prevents the cop from getting the info right away? Is there a possibility the cop could get stuck in the convict’s mind? If the convict is executed, the cop dies too? That would raise the stakes. Maybe the convict isn’t innocent but holds the key to another crime or one about to happen. The convict doesn’t want to give up the info and once the cop is in his mind, the two have to battle in a surreal dreamscape. There is a lot of potential here, but you need to raise stakes and provide an obstacle to the goal. Best of luck!
See lessWhen the Mafia takes over a small town cemetery, an underachieving gravedigger must unearth their criminal activity or end up six feet under.
It's an intriguing logline and I want to know more, but overall it's a little vague upon examination. There is a ticking time bomb of sorts. He needs to solve the mystery before he ends up underground himself, but it's unclear what that bomb is. For starters, does he have a week? A day? A month? He'Read more
It’s an intriguing logline and I want to know more, but overall it’s a little vague upon examination. There is a ticking time bomb of sorts. He needs to solve the mystery before he ends up underground himself, but it’s unclear what that bomb is. For starters, does he have a week? A day? A month? He’s obviously not on the run, so the stakes of the mafia wanting to dispatch him aren’t that strong at the moment. What is preventing him from going to the police. It needs to be more than he needs to get info first. Give him a stronger obstacle. You mentioned a girlfriend in one of the other reviews. Maybe she is what holds him back. If he tells, she goes to jail, so he needs to find a way to protect her first. Or if he tells, she’ll dump him. These are complete hypotheticals and may not have anything to do with your story, but hopefully it gets you to think about raising the stakes for the gravedigger.
And if the Mafia is taking over the cemetery, it seems they would hire their own people to handle the bodies even if they kept him on. Maybe he has to hide the bodies because he’s repaying a gambling debt or something. You’ve got your protagonist and antagonist and a vague sense of stakes, but what is the obstacle that prevents the gravedigger from reaching his goal. Simply telling the cops isn’t a particularly compelling goal. Again, bigger stakes.
Maybe something like:
To repay a debt, a small town gravedigger is forced to use his cemetery to cover up a series of Mafia murders, but when the police ask him to get the goods on the crime bosses, he has to work both sides of the coin to avoid prison or end up six feet under himself.
I know this probably has nothing to do with your story, but it raises the stakes for the gravedigger and presents him with a dilemma. . .an obstacle. And he has a goal – to stay alive and out of jail.
There is definitely something here and I’m intrigued, but I think it needs more specifics which isn’t easy in 50 words or less. I’m looking forward to seeing what you do with it. ?Good luck!
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