1. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    Logline: A man marries the woman he drugged and date raped. His journey to get help leaves a trail discovered by her twin sister that forces his wife to make a decision between her husband and her family.

    captainryannn Penpusher

    Hard to tell who the protagonist is here. If it's the husband, I would maybe consider including something within the logline that might make him redeemable. The "Make a decision" part is a little vague and could use a bit more specifics to establish clear stakes.

    Hard to tell who the protagonist is here. If it’s the husband, I would maybe consider including something within the logline that might make him redeemable. The “Make a decision” part is a little vague and could use a bit more specifics to establish clear stakes.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    When dark and disturbing children’s drawings come alive. Its creator, a little girl distressed and insecure, must face and erase these drawings from her life before they control her forever.

    Best Answer
    captainryannn Penpusher

    As already noted, the added stakes suggested presents a lot more immediacy to the story. How do these drawings control her? What might a child be distressed about? Perhaps those could be worth touching on in the logline as well. Sounds interesting though!

    As already noted, the added stakes suggested presents a lot more immediacy to the story. How do these drawings control her? What might a child be distressed about? Perhaps those could be worth touching on in the logline as well. Sounds interesting though!

    See less
    • 0