1. Posted: June 16, 2023In:

    When he discovers that his job is killing him, a shy kitchen hand must tell his sleazy boss that he needs to quit.

    djd2608 Penpusher

    Revised version: When he discovers that his job is killing him, a cowardly kitchenhand must muster the courage to tell his sleazy boss that he needs to quit.

    Revised version:

    When he discovers that his job is killing him, a cowardly kitchenhand must muster the courage to tell his sleazy boss that he needs to quit.

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  2. Posted: May 21, 2023In:

    When he goes to a urologist to get his erectile dysfunction treated, he learns that the doctor is the father of his girlfriend.

    djd2608 Penpusher

    You have an event but no action. What does the character do once he learns this information. What is his goal?

    You have an event but no action. What does the character do once he learns this information. What is his goal?

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  3. Posted: June 15, 2023In:

    A frightened young boy is confronted by a Nun to fight. Overwhelmed by her rough-house boxing lessons, he is forced to find his fighting spirit from within that he will carry for life.

    djd2608 Penpusher

    What does finding his fighting spirit within look like? And is the "that he will carry for life" part necessary?

    What does finding his fighting spirit within look like? And is the “that he will carry for life” part necessary?

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