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When her brother?s diary mysteriously appears at her doorstep, an art forgery investigator uses it to decipher location of stolen diamonds. She also discovers the truth about her father who masterminded an international heist and embarks on a hunt for the treasure during which she finds her family lost decades ago.
Corridorone, You've worked on so many versions of this -- you're obviously passionate about the story.? And passion is always a good thing.?? I can't say I've followed every version, but here's the way the story seems to break down based on your latest version: Protagonist:? A female art forgery invRead more
Corridorone,
You’ve worked on so many versions of this — you’re obviously passionate about the story.? And passion is always a good thing.?? I can’t say I’ve followed every version, but here’s the way the story seems to break down based on your latest version:
Protagonist:? A female art forgery investigator.
Character flaw: ??
Inciting incident: The appearance of the diary and what the woman finds in it about the stolen treasure
The objective goal: Find the stolen treasure.
Antagonist: ??
Stakes: ??
So after 51 words, I only have information on 3 of the 6 need-to-know elements.
Sad to say, but what she discovers about about her father, while important to the story, is incidental to the logline.?? It’s a 2nd or 3rd Act story twist in the form of a Big Reveal.? It’s what happens after she sets out on her objective goal (find the treasure).? And while loglines implicitly promise action and discovery to follow as a consequence of the objective goal, they don’t disclose any of that.
A primary reason is that there is simply not enough space.?? As every version of your logline in which you attempt include the information about her father and her missing family demonstrates.? At 51 words, this version far exceeds the ideal maximum length for a logline ,30 words.? And it exceeds what I take to be the tolerable maximum logline? length of 40 words –a number I arrived in analyzing over 600 loglines for stories that actually got made into movies.
If you focused on just providing information that answers the 6 elements listed above — and nothing else — what would the logline be?
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A frumpy housewife?works as a street prostitute to support her drug habit hiding both from her loving husband. Until the night he propositions her, not recognizing her all dolled-up.? Now they must come clean with their vices.? (38 words)
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See lessa delusional and conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire, that’s undergoing a crisis, to room with him and his workaholic best friend to fund his ideas on becoming the next Elon Musk.
When a conniving narcissist manipulates an introverted millionaire to fund his ideas for the next Big Thing in Silicon Valley, he must... he must...Well, he must what?? The story sets up a situation, but not a plot -- I get no clear indication from the logline of the plot??where the story is going tRead more
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Well, he must what?? The story sets up a situation, but not a plot — I get no clear indication from the logline of the plot??where the story is going to go.
Also why should I want to care??and root for a conniving narcissist to succeed?? Or want to invest my time and money to watch his comeuppance and failure?
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