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  1. Posted: March 8, 2018In: Thriller

    The problem child of a family has to save his and his parents life when a hacker is keeping them hostage in their own house by using the smart home devices as weapons in order to let them die of thirst.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 12, 2018 at 1:42 am

    The dramatic solution is easy and low tech: break a window.FADE TO CREDIT SCROLLI don't see an insurmountable dramatic problem here.

    The dramatic solution is easy and low tech: break a window.

    FADE TO CREDIT SCROLL

    I don’t see an insurmountable dramatic problem here.

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  2. Posted: March 10, 2018In: Action

    An out-for-himself and talented brain hacker, who sells off stolen ideas and concepts to large conglomerates, is hired to escort a scientist, who holds the key to clean energy in her head, to open source rebels so she can provide the idea free to all humanity.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 12, 2018 at 1:31 am

    >>? he must choose between betrayingIt is a good thing when a protagonist faces an authentic dramatic dilemma, one that hangs over the character like the sword of Damocles, that he must finally confront and resolve at the climax in the 3rd Act.?But a logline is about the external, objective coRead more

    >>? he must choose between betraying

    It is a good thing when a protagonist faces an authentic dramatic dilemma, one that hangs over the character like the sword of Damocles, that he must finally confront and resolve at the climax in the 3rd Act.?

    But a logline is about the external, objective conflict that occurs because of a decision the protagonist makes in the 1st Act.? It is not about deciding whether and when to decide because of a dilemma that engenders internal, subjective conflict that he won’t finally resolve until the 3rd Act.?

    And if it’s a dilemma that is raised by the inciting incident and after some debate and hesitation (standard issue beats, btw) and? resolved at the end of Act 1 by the choice he makes — well, the story as framed in the logline is over with.? He’s made his choice.? ?So obviously the plot is not and cannot be about deciding to decide:? it’s about the action that follow as a result of a decision made.

    Also loglines that frame the story in terms of a dilemma, a hard choice that has to eventually be made, are implicit spoilers.? Because they give away exactly what the protagonist will choose to do.? We know darn well that unless the protagonist is a? moral scumbag, he will later or sooner make the right choice: love and helping the disenfranchised.? (If he is an irredeemable moral scumbag, the script is DOA — nobody will want to film it, nobody will want to watch it.)?

    Framed as a choice to be made, there’s no suspense as to the outcome; the logline telegraphs the answer to the question it poses.? And a logline shouldn’t send telegrams.

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  3. Posted: March 11, 2018In: Thriller

    A mother finds solace in her dead kid’s unfinished comic book, only to discover it “leading” to his possible murder.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 12, 2018 at 1:13 am

    When a grieving mother discovers clues to her teenager's murder in his unfinished graphic novel, she....Well, what does she do about the discovery?? ?The setup is a good one, but the logline needs a follow through of the action that results from the discovery.

    When a grieving mother discovers clues to her teenager’s murder in his unfinished graphic novel, she….

    Well, what does she do about the discovery?? ?The setup is a good one, but the logline needs a follow through of the action that results from the discovery.

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