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A mentally troubled banker from Chicago finds himself hard to go by everyday due to his traumatic past, he manages the people who made him who he is now which leads him into a plot to sabotage there financial lives and turn his without being notice by the bank, the victim and overcoming his own greed.
OH well the logline made it seem to me that he is now managing the people who 'made him' which mean that he wouldn't be that good without them, so the way you worded it makes him seem evil
OH well the logline made it seem to me that he is now managing the people who ‘made him’ which mean that he wouldn’t be that good without them, so the way you worded it makes him seem evil
See lessA mentally troubled banker from Chicago finds himself hard to go by everyday due to his traumatic past, he manages the people who made him who he is now which leads him into a plot to sabotage there financial lives and turn his without being notice by the bank, the victim and overcoming his own greed.
I think you can get rid of the word ' mentally', because the point is clear if it's ' a troubled banker'., especially you mention his traumatic past. Also, he 'finds it hard to get by' rather than 'finds himself hard to go by', or even ' struggles to get by'. And 'he manages the people who made him,Read more
I think you can get rid of the word ‘ mentally’, because the point is clear if it’s ‘ a troubled banker’., especially you mention his traumatic past.
Also, he ‘finds it hard to get by’ rather than ‘finds himself hard to go by’, or even ‘ struggles to get by’. And ‘he manages the people who made him, which leads’ would suffice, and he sabotages ‘ their finances’ not ‘ there financial lives’. And what do you mean by ‘turn his without being noticed’?, keeping that sentence it should be ‘ and turns his without being noticed by the bank’
Who’s the victim? and he’s doing it without overcoming his own greed? or is his plan to over come his own greed? I’m confused
So I think it should be ‘ A troubled Chicago banker who struggles to get by every day due to his traumatic past, manages the people who made him, which leads him to sabotage their finances and turn his without being noticed by the bank, the victim, and overcoming his own greed’
but i still have very little idea about the what’s happening to the bank, who the victim is, and what’s going on with his greed.
See lessWhen writing teacher Karels students start failing, he must kick it into overdrive in order to get his students to pass before the end of the Semester.
sensational, flawless.
sensational, flawless.
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