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When a manic-depressive sharpshooter?s mother is assassinated, he marauds a criminal empire for the elusive hit-man responsible.
I think it could be beneficial to be more specific about the nature of the antagonist - Who does the hit-man work for? Is the hit-man the antagonist, or was the hit carried out on another person's orders? Expanding the role of the antagonist a little more in the logline will help to personalise theRead more
I think it could be beneficial to be more specific about the nature of the antagonist – Who does the hit-man work for? Is the hit-man the antagonist, or was the hit carried out on another person’s orders? Expanding the role of the antagonist a little more in the logline will help to personalise the stakes more fully.
See lessA disgraced coach gets a second chance but must teach couch potato kids about baseball and life to win a championship trophy, a trophy wife, and the apple of his eye.
This feels a little unfocused. Perhaps rearrange it terms of goals and obstacles - A disgraced coach gets a second chance at success and love, but first they must deal with couch potato kid players, stiff competition, etc.
This feels a little unfocused. Perhaps rearrange it terms of goals and obstacles – A disgraced coach gets a second chance at success and love, but first they must deal with couch potato kid players, stiff competition, etc.
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