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In a single year, a guardian haunted by irrational horrors must rebuild a broken world and find the cure to save the princess from her fatal destiny.
Hi NavCR and thanks for your comments on my logline. I read yours. My first reaction is that it may feel a little vague. First: Why in a single year? He has a due date - if so, it may be expressed wit shome more urgency (Like A tormented guardian has only 365 days to rebuild a broken world...) I undRead more
Hi NavCR and thanks for your comments on my logline.
I read yours. My first reaction is that it may feel a little vague.
First: Why in a single year? He has a due date – if so, it may be expressed wit shome more urgency (Like A tormented guardian has only 365 days to rebuild a broken world…)
I understand the main hero is a guardian who, probably had done horrible things and that’s why he’s haunted by his past. Is that correct? Mmm… but they are irrational… So, are these horrors something he can’t even understand?
Now, who’s the princess and why is the guardian wanting to save her? Love? Is this a love story? I have that impression because if not, he would be saving the world.
I hope my questions help you. Now, I think this site is pretty dead, eh? No one shows up, no one makes comments… Weird.
Anyway-Have a great day.
See lessA hot- tempered uncle accidentally slaps a nagging woman over an ownership of a compound wall, issue soon spirals into a building-wide sensationalised political circus of gossip, mockery, legalities, and indifference.
Varnan, I think your logline describes that this is a small incident that grows into a major scandal. It confuses me the word "uncle" because it doesn't tell me enough or leads me to guess that there's a nice or nephew involved? Hot tempred is perfect. Is this a story about social media? I'm guessinRead more
Varnan, I think your logline describes that this is a small incident that grows into a major scandal. It confuses me the word “uncle” because it doesn’t tell me enough or leads me to guess that there’s a nice or nephew involved? Hot tempred is perfect. Is this a story about social media? I’m guessing that, too.
See less‘An Executive Business man arrives home at two in the morning, to the worry of his daughter, who finds he has not come home quite the same.’
Hi Julian. I'm new here and this is my very first review :-) I feel that you can make this one a little more intriguing. I see that this will be a horror story, but i didnt get the feeling of it when reading it. "An executive business man" doesn't tell me a lot about your character. Is he an obsessiRead more
Hi Julian. I’m new here and this is my very first review 🙂
See lessI feel that you can make this one a little more intriguing. I see that this will be a horror story, but i didnt get the feeling of it when reading it.
“An executive business man” doesn’t tell me a lot about your character. Is he an obsessive Executive? A very strict one? A sweet and condescending one? Adding a powerful adjective -that may show his flaw, may make the character more intriguing.
Is the 2 am relevant? If you remov eit, i dont feel that I miss anything.
“He has not come home quite the same” – That’s intriguing but a little vague. I think.
I hope this can help.