1. Posted: April 9, 2020In:

    With the help of his undead lost love, a reluctant store manager must return to the island where she was slain to prevent the escape of a primitive evil before the anniversary of her death.

    Best Answer
    Jonathon Nicholas Penpusher

    Hi Odie,   i actually love this premise. its a refreshing and interesting take on the classic horror movie.   for me, these would be my questions to ask:   Why does he love her? What is unique about their relationship? Why is he reluctant? what is it that is making him doubt his decisRead more

    Hi Odie,

     

    i actually love this premise. its a refreshing and interesting take on the classic horror movie.

     

    for me, these would be my questions to ask:

     

    • Why does he love her? What is unique about their relationship?
    • Why is he reluctant? what is it that is making him doubt his decision to go back? that seems like something you could flesh out?
    • Can you make the primitive email somehow connected to their relationships, so what i mean is, its something connected to their past, which is why they’re being haunted?

     

    Overall, i actually really liked it, and would watch that movie.

     

    cheers.

    Jonathon

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  2. Posted: May 5, 2020In:

    A mob enforcer who lives by the strict code that failure equals death, meets his match when ?3 million of mob funds is stolen by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.

    Jonathon Nicholas Penpusher

    i actually love the premise of this, but can i ask you something? who is the protagonist, is it the mob boss, or the desperate man? if i were you i'd want that to be clearer, and its also a tad long. maybe try shortening. this is my version of yours: When a calculating mob boss falls victim to a losRead more

    i actually love the premise of this, but can i ask you something? who is the protagonist, is it the mob boss, or the desperate man? if i were you i’d want that to be clearer, and its also a tad long. maybe try shortening. this is my version of yours:

    When a calculating mob boss falls victim to a loss of 3 million dollars, he meets his match by a desperate young man determined to make a difference with his life by ensuring the dirty money serves a charitable cause.

    But i actually love the idea of your film. very interesting. logline is almost there mate. just needs to be refined and tightened. good stuff!

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  3. Posted: May 5, 2020In:

    A group of women back from the dead get revenge against bullies who tormented them when they were in high school.

    Jonathon Nicholas Penpusher

    HI Tony.? What interests me about your logline was the Genre of comedy. when i read it i didnt get that feeling at all, and i think its quite a unique spin. so i would suggest to use language that eludes to it being a comedy. I.e "a nerdy" or "outcast group of dorks" something to give a visual imageRead more

    HI Tony.? What interests me about your logline was the Genre of comedy. when i read it i didnt get that feeling at all, and i think its quite a unique spin. so i would suggest to use language that eludes to it being a comedy. I.e “a nerdy” or “outcast group of dorks” something to give a visual image of who these girls are as well as making it a bit cheeky and funny. id also ask yourself, whats at stake for these girls? what happens if they dont achieve what they want to do. either way – good stuff. keeping going with it mate!

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