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When a teenage leader of a small anti-authority vandalism group gets caught by police, he must dodge the officers and steal one of their cars to get away.
Or to clarify with the "or else"; it's like you're saying he needs to escape in order to escape.
Or to clarify with the “or else”; it’s like you’re saying he needs to escape in order to escape.
See lessWhen a teenage leader of a small anti-authority vandalism group gets caught by police, he must dodge the officers and steal one of their cars to get away.
It's a bit wordy in this form. Consolidating it to 30 words or less would be a good start. Not sure if the "or else" section is really necessary. In this case, I feel it is fairly self explanatory that there are punishments as you have already established they are involved in crime and were caught bRead more
It’s a bit wordy in this form. Consolidating it to 30 words or less would be a good start.
Not sure if the “or else” section is really necessary. In this case, I feel it is fairly self explanatory that there are punishments as you have already established they are involved in crime and were caught by police. Subtext is equally as important as listing information and brevity is the name of the game, along with engagement.
If you want to have more stakes it can also be done by fleshing out the event or action further. For example, what if they were caught by brutal/cruel police?
Going back to making an engaging logline, there are some grammatical choices you’ve made which are odd. “When A teenage leader”, for example, seems to imply one of many leaders as if it were a large organised group like a mafia, which is in opposition to you stating “of a SMALL anti-authority vandalism group”. Furthermore, teenage is unnecessarily lengthy and can just be shortened to teen.
At the end of the day, it’s all up to you.
See lessGood luck with writing and revising!
– Joshua L.
When a delusional young woman is confronted by the closure of her uncle’s vintage car dealership, she must travel cross-country to see it one last time.
I believe it would be more effective to specifically indicate the action taken by your protagonist. Why does she need to see it one last time? How would she change from seeing it or not seeing it? Does the fact the uncle specifically ran a vintage car dealership have something to do with her trip (pRead more
I believe it would be more effective to specifically indicate the action taken by your protagonist. Why does she need to see it one last time? How would she change from seeing it or not seeing it? Does the fact the uncle specifically ran a vintage car dealership have something to do with her trip (possibly by car)?
The “delusional” description is quite intriguing, yet doesn’t evidently fit with the event or action as far as this logline reveals. I feel there’s more to the story, which could be incorporated into the logline.
Either way, it’s a very nice logline!
See lessGood luck with writing and revising!
– Joshua L.