I definitely prefer this longline over “When a country singer is temporarily released from jail…” ?You can see the storyline and conflict in their relationship set up for Act 2 really clearly with this one. There’s a lot more that unfolds in the imagination with this set up. My question is why is he temporarily released from jail for a music tour? It may make more sense to have him recently released, but still doing whatever activity got him in jail in the first place. He’s nearly caught again, but his relationship with his daughter is the thing that saves him. That also gives it more of a plot without turning it into a thriller. There’s something about him already being on his way back to prison that makes us feel like the ending is pre-determined, and it doesn’t feel as intriguing to see what happens next. I also think you need to establish the broken relationship in the longline so we see the emotional character arc. Just needs a bit of tweaking to hone in, and you’ve got a compelling story!