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In a world where mystical creatures harness extraordinary powers, a graceful crane finds herself at the heart of a perilous mystery. When she lays an unusually small egg infused with potent magic, she must uncover its hidden potential to save not only her own life but also the love she shares with a powerful anaconda. Caught between his insatiable hunger and his deep affection for the crane, the anaconda grapples with consuming desires that threaten to unravel their romance and plunge them into darkness.”
It's 84 words, which is excessive, even for Logline It, where we are VERY lenient with word count! Try trimming this down to half, by eliminating non-essential words. "In a world where mystical creatures harness extraordinary powers" is unnecessary as this is common for fantasy stories. "Graceful crRead more
It’s 84 words, which is excessive, even for Logline It, where we are VERY lenient with word count! Try trimming this down to half, by eliminating non-essential words.
“In a world where mystical creatures harness extraordinary powers” is unnecessary as this is common for fantasy stories.
“Graceful crane” only gives us a strength, while we need flaws to indicate potential for growth/change.
Check our formula for logline-writing, and rewrite along the lines of:
“When a [flawed] crane lays a magic egg, she must [delete all this] save her life and that of her beloved anaconda.
The second half of the synopsis switches protagonists to the anaconda. Pick one.
See lessIn the depths of the depression, a small time con artist teams up with a seasoned pro to con $500,000 from a ruthless mobster to avenge the mobster’s murder of his mentor.
One of my absolute favourite classics. The 'formula version' would be something like: "When his mentor is murdered by a ruthless mobster in the depths of the depression, a small time con artist must take revenge by teaming up with a seasoned pro to con $500,000 from the mobster."
One of my absolute favourite classics.
The ‘formula version’ would be something like:
“When his mentor is murdered by a ruthless mobster in the depths of the depression, a small time con artist must take revenge by teaming up with a seasoned pro to con $500,000 from the mobster.”
See less