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  1. Posted: May 23, 2018In: Action

    deleted

    krispydrink Penpusher
    Added an answer on May 23, 2018 at 10:19 am

    I'm new to this, so take my advice with a grain of salt - It reads a little confusingly right now - maybe re-arrange the order of some of the elements - "Thinking she's the last of her race, a lonely barmaid must fight for her survival after discovering the power that sustains all life while being hRead more

    I’m new to this, so take my advice with a grain of salt – It reads a little confusingly right now – maybe re-arrange the order of some of the elements –

    “Thinking she’s the last of her race, a lonely barmaid must fight for her survival after discovering the power that sustains all life while being hunted down by a vengeful superhuman.”

    I think “depends on her own survival” & “fight for her life” are redundant, just pick one.
    Try not to use the same word twice – “life” I replaced one with “survival”

    I hope this helps.

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