1. Posted: September 30, 2015In:

    When a na?ve woman meets a stalker online she must fight him off in order to return to her peaceful life.

    mariechanel Penpusher

    I really like how straight forward this is. However, I think more could be included in 'fight him off'. Good stuff. Happy writing. M

    I really like how straight forward this is. However, I think more could be included in ‘fight him off’. Good stuff.
    Happy writing.
    M

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  2. Posted: September 30, 2015In:

    When the normalcy of an overly meticulous statistical analyst is disrupted by the appearance of a small cloud above his head, he must find a way to get rid of it before his crititcal work presentation.

    mariechanel Penpusher

    I think you could cut 'normalcy' as 'meticulous statistical analyst' states a lot. I like the ending of 'critical work presentation' it ups the ante. Happy writing. M

    I think you could cut ‘normalcy’ as ‘meticulous statistical analyst’ states a lot. I like the ending of ‘critical work presentation’ it ups the ante.
    Happy writing.
    M

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  3. Posted: September 30, 2015In:

    Three non-criminals out of pocket and out of luck hold up a convenient store to earn some much needed money.

    mariechanel Penpusher

    I think its convenience without the T. I think you could heighten the stakes here. I like the use of 'out of pocket' and 'out of luck'. Happy writing. M

    I think its convenience without the T. I think you could heighten the stakes here. I like the use of ‘out of pocket’ and ‘out of luck’.
    Happy writing.
    M

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