1. Posted: April 29, 2019In:

    When an idealistic attorney discovers the man she freed from prison is a cold-blooded killer she chooses payback over ethics and mounts a stunning plan to put him back inside.

    MarinaM Logliner

    I like this a lot! I recommend very little: just pare it down a little to put more focus on the key points. The following is one word too long (you want to aim for 25 words), but tells the inciting incident and the stakes without being too specific. When an idealistic attorney discovers the prisonerRead more

    I like this a lot! I recommend very little: just pare it down a little to put more focus on the key points. The following is one word too long (you want to aim for 25 words), but tells the inciting incident and the stakes without being too specific.

    When an idealistic attorney discovers the prisoner she freed is a cold-blooded killer, she must risk everything to put him back inside before he kills again.

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  2. Posted: June 20, 2018In:

    A neglected eight-year-old girl comes up with a dangerous idea to try and communicate with her recently deceased mother on Halloween.

    MarinaM Logliner

    This is my first review, so please forgive any faux pas (and let me know if I've made any). You can remove some words that don't help, like "try and" and "comes up with the dangerous idea." Maybe, "A neglected eight-year-old girl risks it all to communicate with her dead mother on Halloween." QuestiRead more

    This is my first review, so please forgive any faux pas (and let me know if I’ve made any).

    You can remove some words that don’t help, like “try and” and “comes up with the dangerous idea.”

    Maybe, “A neglected eight-year-old girl risks it all to communicate with her dead mother on Halloween.”

    Questions:

    1. Who is neglecting the girl?
    2. Did her mother neglect her??If so, why would the girl try to communicate with her mother? If not, is the neglecting person significant to your story?
    3. What’s the significance of her mother being recently deceased??Does that need to be in your logline?
    4. Is the age eight significant, or could you describe her as “a neglected young girl”?
    5. What’s the obstacle? The person neglecting her? The danger? Can you be a bit more specific about what the danger is?

    Grammatical note: “try and” should be “try to.”

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