1. Posted: September 30, 2015In:

    When a business graduate of the new generation wants some money for his new business he is up against the best and wins.

    White Shadow Penpusher

    I believe you can try re-wording most of it. Also give more detail about the best and wins, What does that mean? Can it just be a business graduate, does it have to be new generation. What about a new breed of a business graduate sets out.......etc...

    I believe you can try re-wording most of it. Also give more detail about the best and wins, What does that mean? Can it just be a business graduate, does it have to be new generation. What about a new breed of a business graduate sets out…….etc…

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: September 30, 2015In:

    When the normalcy of an overly meticulous statistical analyst is disrupted by the appearance of a small cloud above his head, he must find a way to get rid of it before his crititcal work presentation.

    White Shadow Penpusher

    First half I believe works. But need to change the 2nd half. Try he needs to eradicate the cloud before his critical presentation at work.

    First half I believe works. But need to change the 2nd half. Try he needs to eradicate the cloud before his critical presentation at work.

    See less
    • 0