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A young Thomas Edison must win the top invention prize at the Worlds Fair to prove to his dream girl and her disapproving father that he is worthy before she marries a wealthy suitor.
Am I right in assuming?that you have a very personal investment in the success of this story? It's good if you are passionate about your stories just remember why you are here in the first place. I think the purpose of this site is to become better at distilling the essence of your story and if it dRead more
Am I right in assuming?that you have a very personal investment in the success of this story? It’s good if you are passionate about your stories just remember why you are here in the first place.
I think the purpose of this site is to become better at distilling the essence of your story and if it doesn’t work it simply doesn’t work no matter how intently you want it to.
When I read this logline, and I say?this with all due respect, I just keep thinking : “Why Thomas Edison?”
I’m not saying that the story couldn’t work I’m just simply wondering.
So?It’s like “Shakespeare in love” but with Thomas Edison. Sure it could work but ask yourself :
*What difference does it make if it’s Thomas Edison?
*Why would anyone want to see that?
*What makes this story stands out in the myriad of similar concepts?
*What’s the hook?
From your logline I can’t see any hook worth mentioning?and you getting defensive and irritated that nobody understand the brilliance isn’t going to convince anyone. If you can answer?all the above mentioned points in your re-worked logline you can make people really become invested in the concepts however as it currently stands it’s severely lacking.
If you want praise and have everyone congratulating you on what a genius you are you’ve come to the wrong place.
Our?ideas are a dime a?dozen in a vast ocean of similar ideas. Accept it.
Ones you realize that you can really let go and hone your skill so that one day you might write that great piece.
Good luck. I really mean it.
See lessWhen he starts visualizing the sexual fantasies of anyone he touches, a love-struck freshman has one week to find true love or be doomed to rule hell. Title: SixSixSix
It sounds like "The dead zone" meets "American pie".I would like what the conflict is. Why is ruling in hell bad? Why hell? Did he get his powers from a demon? ?I think you need to make this clearer.
It sounds like “The dead zone” meets “American pie”.
I would like what the conflict is. Why is ruling in hell bad? Why hell? Did he get his powers from a demon? ?I think you need to make this clearer.
See lessWhen the livestock of a small farming community comes under attack from a mysterious predator the sheriff gathers a coalition of the willing to venture into the woods to find and kill the animal. However as they trek further and further into the woods, they are killed off one by one and the sheriff, realizing one of them is the monster in disguise, must solve the mystery of who?s the killer. *This one feels messier then the previous one but how do I accentuate the details whilst still keeping it brief?
When the livestock of a small farming community comes under attack from a mysterious predator the sheriff gathers a coalition of the willing to venture into the woods to find and kill the animal. However as they trek further and further into the woods, they are killed off one by one in the same grotRead more
When the livestock of a small farming community comes under attack from a mysterious predator the sheriff gathers a coalition of the willing to venture into the woods to find and kill the animal. However as they trek further and further into the woods, they are killed off one by one in the same grotesque manner as were the livestock and the sheriff start to suspect that someone in his posse isn’t what they claim to be.
See less