1. Posted: December 10, 2015In:

    A trans-woman reflects on key moments in her life as a boy while visiting her home town to exact revenge against the man who had her wrongfully imprisoned.

    Rob_McKenzie Penpusher

    This has Zeitgeist and potential. Suggestion: "When a trans-woman is released from prison she returns to her hometown, triggering memories of?her life?as she?plots her revenge on the man who had her wrongfully convicted."

    This has Zeitgeist and potential. Suggestion: “When a trans-woman is released from prison she returns to her hometown, triggering memories of?her life?as she?plots her revenge on the man who had her wrongfully convicted.”

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  2. Posted: December 11, 2015In:

    Parents of first-in-the-family MBA graduate mortgaged their house for his education. In his first consulting job out of school he is given ?impossible? client and must save client to save his job and parent?s home

    Rob_McKenzie Penpusher

    This sounds more like a comedy than a drama. Suggested improvement: "When his? parents mortgage their house to pay his fees, a?new MBA must keep?an impossible?client or lose his job and his?chance to save his parent's home."

    This sounds more like a comedy than a drama. Suggested improvement: “When his? parents mortgage their house to pay his fees, a?new MBA must keep?an impossible?client or lose his job and his?chance to save his parent’s home.”

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