1. Posted: November 4, 2017In:

    A womanizer music mogul, finds himself wrapped up in a sexual abuse scandal after finding true love with a beautiful singer who shapes him into a better man.

    ryanrevland Logliner

    Very nice.? I like that it's relevant to today's headlines. What are the stakes?? Will he get sued and lose his record label?? Will he lose his true love?? Which one would he choose if he had to?? ?Why should I be worried about this character?? Is he guilty of this crime?? How does he vindicate himsRead more

    Very nice.? I like that it’s relevant to today’s headlines.

    What are the stakes?? Will he get sued and lose his record label?? Will he lose his true love?? Which one would he choose if he had to?? ?Why should I be worried about this character?? Is he guilty of this crime?? How does he vindicate himself?

    Just some things to think about while you punch it up.

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  2. Posted: November 4, 2017In:

    When terrorists kill the best friend of Elliot Ross, a troubled Yeshiva-grad, he must decide between building a future with the girl of his dreams, or seeking out revenge on those he deems responsible, even if it means losing it all.

    ryanrevland Logliner

    It sounds interesting but there are no real stakes for your character. There's no immediate threat so we're not on the edge of our seat. If he is fighting the terrorists while building a future with the woman he loves...now we have some conflict brewing.

    It sounds interesting but there are no real stakes for your character.

    There’s no immediate threat so we’re not on the edge of our seat.

    If he is fighting the terrorists while building a future with the woman he loves…now we have some conflict brewing.

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  3. Posted: November 2, 2017In:

    A bitter old man plays an advanced virtual reality game and conquers his fear of technology.

    ryanrevland Logliner

    Thanks for the advice everyone! Here??are mandatory and optional pieces of the formula: My major event is the old man being uploaded to an "alternate reality" game called "The Cloud". ??There are no headsets and the game play is indistinguishable from the real world, similar to the Matrix. ? My heroRead more

    Thanks for the advice everyone!

    Here??are mandatory and optional pieces of the formula:

    • My major event is the old man being uploaded to an “alternate reality” game called “The Cloud”. ??There are no headsets and the game play is indistinguishable from the real world, similar to the Matrix. ?
    • My hero is a grumpy old man who doesn’t have long to live and is looking forward to checking out. ?
    • Similar to Groundhog Day, his goal is to escape “The Cloud” after something goes wrong during the upload and he’s stuck there. ?Luckily his gamer grand-kids are there to guide him through the process.
    • His flaw is his nihilist nature and refusal to communicate with his son and grandchildren.
    • The obstacles he’ll face in The Cloud will revolve around the game’s quest line but more importantly bonding with his grandchildren. ?
    • The stakes are being stuck in a video game but also leaving behind a sour legacy and ultimately losing his “soul”.

    The big reveal is he can’t download to his body because he died during the upload process. ?All that’s left of him is the digital instance of his consciousness in The Cloud. ?At the end of the game he is given the choice to walk through the door to oblivion or go on living and find meaning in this new world.

    So here’s my renewed attempt at a logline:

    A bitter old man must bond with his estranged grandchildren to escape a virtual reality game and repair his legacy as an absent father.? ?

    I’m open to all suggestions.? Thanks for your help!

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