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A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.
Hi Craig! First of all, I LOVE your premise. That can be the hardest part of the writing process, so kudos for getting that out of the way. After reading your revised logline, the first thing that popped in my head was that it is too long. Generally, you should try to limit your logline to one senteRead more
Hi Craig!
First of all, I LOVE your premise. That can be the hardest part of the writing process, so kudos for getting that out of the way.
After reading your revised logline, the first thing that popped in my head was that it is too long. Generally, you should try to limit your logline to one sentence, unless it’s absolutely necessary to use two, but that should be the exception and not the rule.
Also, I would give the, “Man,” and, “Girl,” other labels. They sound generic. This leads me to my next point…
Irony!
Creating irony in your logline can give the reader a sense of the conflict within the story. For instance, if you made the Man a preacher or some Bible-thumpin’ Christian extremist whose views would greatly contrast with that of the cult’s, then the reader can imagine the conflict between the two and may increase your chances of your script getting read. Plus, I’ve never seen a preacher with multiple personalities before!
Overall, you’re off to a strong start! And this is just some passing advice, take from it what you will.
Good luck! 🙂
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