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A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.
Hi Craig! First of all, I LOVE your premise. That can be the hardest part of the writing process, so kudos for getting that out of the way. After reading your revised logline, the first thing that popped in my head was that it is too long. Generally, you should try to limit your logline to one senteRead more
Hi Craig!
First of all, I LOVE your premise. That can be the hardest part of the writing process, so kudos for getting that out of the way.
After reading your revised logline, the first thing that popped in my head was that it is too long. Generally, you should try to limit your logline to one sentence, unless it’s absolutely necessary to use two, but that should be the exception and not the rule.
Also, I would give the, “Man,” and, “Girl,” other labels. They sound generic. This leads me to my next point…
Irony!
Creating irony in your logline can give the reader a sense of the conflict within the story. For instance, if you made the Man a preacher or some Bible-thumpin’ Christian extremist whose views would greatly contrast with that of the cult’s, then the reader can imagine the conflict between the two and may increase your chances of your script getting read. Plus, I’ve never seen a preacher with multiple personalities before!
Overall, you’re off to a strong start! And this is just some passing advice, take from it what you will.
Good luck! 🙂
See lessA modest girl is pressured by her overbearing mother into partaking in a dangerous aging experiment that could benefit humanity and please her mother but ruin the girl?s life as she knows it. Now, the girl must learn to cope and escape this newfound nightmare.
I agree that this is an interesting situation. I can assume what the protagonist?s goal is, but it is better for you to include it in your logline to avoid confusion. And I agree with the previous comment, what does the mother gain from using her daughter for an experiment? Is she doing this to helpRead more
I agree that this is an interesting situation. I can assume what the protagonist?s goal is, but it is better for you to include it in your logline to avoid confusion. And I agree with the previous comment, what does the mother gain from using her daughter for an experiment? Is she doing this to help humanity as a whole? Or is she doing it for more selfish reasons?
See lessAfter years of watching from the wings, a determined young artist sets out to make her place on the world?s stage..
I agree with the others! Keep the word ?wallflower.? While I understand the idea of keeping some of the plot under-wraps to keep a sense of surprise, you still need to include the catalyst/inciting incident. Why now? Why do they want to make their mark on the world stage now? What happened to causeRead more
I agree with the others! Keep the word ?wallflower.? While I understand the idea of keeping some of the plot under-wraps to keep a sense of surprise, you still need to include the catalyst/inciting incident. Why now? Why do they want to make their mark on the world stage now? What happened to cause them to want to make their mark? That may suffice.
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