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When an entire town gets a virus from the trial of a brain-activated smart phone, a self-righteous hippy must stop the company and shut down the trial.
It's really quite a funny concept so that's good. However I agree with the others. There's a missing link. What is the connection that the hippie has with the problem? What makes him your hero as opposed to anyone else in the story? I assume the virus affects the brain and so incapacitates people. ARead more
It’s really quite a funny concept so that’s good.
However I agree with the others. There’s a missing link. What is the connection that the hippie has with the problem? What makes him your hero as opposed to anyone else in the story?
I assume the virus affects the brain and so incapacitates people. As an aside, how did he not get the virus himself? Is he the only one remaining who can do something about the problem? This might help join the dots in the reader’s head about why the hippie needs to overcome his usual languor and be your hero.
Just my 2c worth.
See less?In the desolate future, when a carefree and adventurous teenager is suddenly forced from his underground bunker into the world outside, he will have to mature quickly if he is to survive both the wilderness and the rogues that inhabit it.?
This has good parts, I clearly understand the main character,? the inciting incident and what the teenager has to do to survive. My concern is that in a desolate future - how does a teenager end up carefree? And if he's lived all his life in an underground bunker how can he be adventurous? Maybe curRead more
This has good parts, I clearly understand the main character,? the inciting incident and what the teenager has to do to survive.
My concern is that in a desolate future – how does a teenager end up carefree? And if he’s lived all his life in an underground bunker how can he be adventurous? Maybe curious rather than adventurous? And the other comment is around his end goal. “To survive” could mean a never-ending battle.? Might work for TV.
Just my 2c worth.
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