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In a small Nevada town, a homeschooling teenager emerges from hiding to play varsity basketball only to be bullied when it is discovered that his mother works in the local brothel.
Sorry -- I missed that the hero is a 'He' Just my take below: "A reclusive home-schooled teenager becomes the star forward for the varsity basketball team but struggles against?public ?ridicule when he is ?outed ?for being the bastard son of a local prostitute." No real improvement, but just my takeRead more
Sorry — I missed that the hero is a ‘He’
Just my take below:
“A reclusive home-schooled teenager becomes the star forward for the varsity basketball team but struggles against?public ?ridicule when he is ?outed ?for being the bastard son of a local prostitute.”
No real improvement, but just my take. Best of luck – I like. 🙂
See lessIn a small Nevada town, a homeschooling teenager emerges from hiding to play varsity basketball only to be bullied when it is discovered that his mother works in the local brothel.
Hi DPG, To bring the word count to under 30 words you could lose the setting -- I'm not sure how vital that is to communicating the essence of the story. The only other issue in my mind is that I'm left wanting to know what she does as a result of the bullying..? Or, to put it another way, is it herRead more
Hi DPG,
To bring the word count to under 30 words you could lose the setting — I’m not sure how vital that is to communicating the essence of the story.
The only other issue in my mind is that I’m left wanting to know what she does as a result of the bullying..? Or, to put it another way, is it her goal to excel in varsity basketball or overcome the bullies?
Cheers.
See lessTrapped in an all-night bank siege, a by-the-book bank teller must outwit both cops and robbers to escape with 100k from the bank?s vault to pay-off his brothers gambling debt.
Thanks for the feedback dpg. You're ?right on here... What's missing from the logline is that the hero has till dawn to pay off these dodgy bookies or the brother is a dead man...and the debt passes onto the hero (cliched, I know...brother is a irresponsible loser, hero is an uptight goody goody...)Read more
Thanks for the feedback dpg.
You’re ?right on here… What’s missing from the logline is that the hero has till dawn to pay off these dodgy bookies or the brother is a dead man…and the debt passes onto the hero (cliched, I know…brother is a irresponsible loser, hero is an uptight goody goody…). He manages to nab the vault cash, but before he can leave the bank it gets held up..the cops arrive and it becomes a hostage siege… Hilarity ensues?
I’ve got about 3 or 4 variations on the concept — this one seems to fit/ flow the best when confining to 30 words in a logline.
Anyway, good to hear from you and hope you’re writing is going well.
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