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Present day: After his mother is accidentally killed during a father-son quarrel, a young martial artist must find his long-lost uncle – to explain his mother’s dying words, while he is relentlessly pursued by his father, a martial arts master who has vowed to kill him.
Probably worth reviewing the punctuation and structure (the "Present Day" is unnecessary, while the hyphen is strangely placed). That aside, the inciting incident and the action seem to be working well in your idea here. Might be worth developing the main character more - "young martial artist" is aRead more
Probably worth reviewing the punctuation and structure (the “Present Day” is unnecessary, while the hyphen is strangely placed).
That aside, the inciting incident and the action seem to be working well in your idea here. Might be worth developing the main character more – “young martial artist” is a bit nondescript. What is the journey they they go on? What is it that changes in them over the course of the story? Add this primary characteristic, in a word or two, into the character description – and ideally, have it relate to the plot in an interesting way.
See lessAfter a lovesick flight attendant and the wife of a doppelganger of a famous actor becomes pregnant by him, he sets out to convince them to share a home with him.
In my opinion it is the fact that this story idea says so much about the nature of our society, gender, superficiality, objectification? (for both male and female characters to some degree) that makes it interesting.? The characters are all flawed in ways that really cut to the bone for the point ouRead more
In my opinion it is the fact that this story idea says so much about the nature of our society, gender, superficiality, objectification? (for both male and female characters to some degree) that makes it interesting.? The characters are all flawed in ways that really cut to the bone for the point our society is at at the moment.
For this reason, it will be extremely delicate to tell, and I agree with dpg that so far the pitching has been a little indelicate – but this is not a discouragement. These things are hard. My advice is take the feedback and make sure you know the moral arch of the main character and can tell the story in a way that makes them likeable.
I agree with the other commenters that the meat of the story is still absent. “Sets out to convince them to share a house together” is the wrong action. “Sets out to make things right” is better, and I think the story then involves the protagonist learning about their perspectives and what he needs to do in order to make things right with them.
His motivation is a determination not to be a bad father to his children, perhaps because of his own absent father. He realises that he can’t be a good father (to either a son or a daughter) without fixing his own emotional problems and learning to treat other people in his life with respect.
See lessA couple take up rock climbing to work out their trust issues, but when they witness a murder half way up a 200 meter cliff, they become the killers next targets and must work together to get out alive.
Great comments all! Lots of food for thought... I guess the core of the story is the opposition of 4 central characters with very different relationships with?risk,? with climbing being a metaphor for more mundane risks and the need to trust both yourself and others in life. The characters are: A) ARead more
Great comments all! Lots of food for thought…
I guess the core of the story is the opposition of 4 central characters with very different relationships with?risk,? with climbing being a metaphor for more mundane risks and the need to trust both yourself and others in life. The characters are:
A) An inexperienced climber desperate to prove herself capable and trustworthy (both to herself and her partner)
B) Her boyfriend, an experienced climber who’s risk aversion and reluctance to trust people (due to past trauma) holds him back – including in his relationship with his partner
C) Their friend, an accomplished climber who appreciates the risks in climbing but doesn’t feel the need to go thrill seeking
D) A charismatic stranger who is a solo-climber through and a thrill seeker through and through – fully trusts themselves, but has no regard for others
A and B have obvious conflicts built into their relationship, which are played out in the way they climb together.
C and D represent different ends of the spectrum of attitudes to risk, and when D forces C into a situation that is unsafe (without consent) the inciting incident occurs.
In terms of fleshing out the narrative, I had hoped to develop and then play out a range of technical details relating to climbing so that the audience can fully appreciate the problems that develop and the ingenious ways A and B try to solve them
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