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To regain his status in the high ranks of the order after a shameful ban, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious rebels in the realm.
I'm ready to exclude the term "arrogant" since I see it causes some controversy. Tell me if you think the word "young" does more justice to the concept. What I'm trying to underline is that the sorcerer is relatively unexperienced for the task( not weak ). I wanted to use the word "unexpericend" butRead more
I’m ready to exclude the term “arrogant” since I see it causes some controversy. Tell me if you think the word “young” does more justice to the concept. What I’m trying to underline is that the sorcerer is relatively unexperienced for the task( not weak ). I wanted to use the word “unexpericend” but I thought it was a bad idea,because it might send the wrong impression. Imagine a resident in year 3 of medical school. He has experience, knows what he has to do, but it’s not there yet. To quote the above post, he’s a diamond in the rough. That’s what I’m trying to do with this guy here. The script has more space to underline this than the logline,but the logline is a big part of the project.? Tell me which one of the following will make you read the script if you were a reader for a studio and why:
After a shameful exclusion from the order, a young, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious outlaws in the realm.
To regain his status in the order, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious outlaws that ever set foot in the realm.
In order to save the people and gain status in the order, a talented, yet young sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious outlaws that ever set foot in the realm.
The epic adventure of a young but talented sorcerer who sets off to hunt one of the most vicious outlaws of the realm.
A vicious, unknown rebel sets off to destroy the ruling forces of a society. His only impediment, a gifted but arrogant officer of the clan who?s fighting his own battle: he either eliminates the threat or gets banned from the guild.?? (I’ve tried starting with the antagonist)
See lessTo regain his status in the high ranks of the order after a shameful ban, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious rebels in the realm.
That's why I wanted to add the "arrogant" part,so people would understand why he was banned. I am familiar with the hero's journey and many other templates. This here is going to be a Golden Fleece, if you've read Blake Snider's 'save the cat'. The story is way more complicated than the logline, andRead more
That’s why I wanted to add the “arrogant” part,so people would understand why he was banned. I am familiar with the hero’s journey and many other templates. This here is going to be a Golden Fleece, if you’ve read Blake Snider’s ‘save the cat’. The story is way more complicated than the logline, and the rebel really has a cause,but that’s spoilers and I haven’t even finished the script.
See lessTo regain his status in the high ranks of the order after a shameful ban, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious rebels in the realm.
This has more insight than all facebook groups I've posted for feedback, so thank you very much. Everything you both say makes perfect sense. I will work on it a little more and repost it here to tell me what you think. Being my story, i think for me it has way more meaning, but since this logline iRead more
This has more insight than all facebook groups I’ve posted for feedback, so thank you very much. Everything you both say makes perfect sense. I will work on it a little more and repost it here to tell me what you think. Being my story, i think for me it has way more meaning, but since this logline is not for me,but for others, I guess it doesn’t matter what I think.? Thanks again. 🙂
See less