What industry pros look for
The notes the community's most respected reviewers give most often — with real examples of each. Fix these before you post.
- Active protagonist
- Named antagonist
- Cause & effect
- Filmable incident
- Clear goal
- Real stakes
- Keep it simple
- Action, not decision
- Every detail earns its place
- No hedging
1 Active protagonist
They pursue something — things don't just happen to them.
A logline must show what the protagonist does, not just what happens to them. Audiences follow protagonists who want something and take action to get it — the most common note by far is that the lead is passive.
Test: Distinguish setup (what happens) from plot (what the character does about it).
Seen in 316 real reviews
- Understood. With the goal being the job I suggest reveres engineering the story from that. "...while his facial expression showed increasingly more despair." Maybe Brando could have been able to pull this off but even then its a week cinematic end visual. Being a short…
- young insecure girl -- Insecure teen (You say 'she' later on so you don't need to say girl) who lost her boyfriend by an accident,-- When her boyfriend dies (Don't need to tell us by accident) is sending -- Sends a naked video to a…
- "...the protagonist must find the courage and confidence to step out of his usual observer? role and act decisively, which is usually out of his character." This is a great inner journey so best to use it to drive the story. As mentioned true to…
- There appears to be a few fundamental problems with this concept. Fundamental problems such as these that are not resolved are often indicative of faulty concepts. Please forgive my candidness (few appreciate strait forward feedback). The first and most glaring problem is the mix of…
- Since there is no lead character to connect with, and 'face their darkest demons' is vague, it's hard to connect with this logline. Also; lead character's are pro-active but in your logline you tell us what happens to the characters not what the characters must…
- The wake up in a mysterious room inciting incident has been used many times only it presents a problem if used incorrectly. According to this logline the MC wakes up in a room on frame one which means this is the normal day to day…
2 Named antagonist
If it isn't implied, name the opposing force in 2–3 words.
Without a clear obstacle there is no story. The antagonist — a person, a force, a deadline — is what makes the goal difficult. "Everything" or "society" is never specific enough.
Test: Name the specific force opposing the protagonist.
Seen in 663 real reviews
- I'm not sure if this is a logline problem or a story problem, but you start with the threat (antagonist) being an ancient spell book, then you end with the threat (antagonist) being a voodoo witch doctor. I would stick with one or the other.…
- No need to mentioned the title in the log line also no need to mention the genre, ideally the genre will be evident in a good logline. Choosing is not action. Action is what is done after choosing between the lesser of two evils and…
- Bit confusing as there seam to be 2 posts for the same idea I'll respond to this one. Firstly when dealing with a romantic vampire movie it must be clearly positioned relative to the numerous romantic vampire movies out already, the shear number of which…
- I see. So from what I understand here is a quick point form breakdown of your story so far: MC - candle maker flaw - naive? inciting incident - twin being kidnapped external goal - save MCs twin internal goal - grow up? become mature?…
- I haven't seen the movie but this only gives us the Inciting Incident. What is the historian trying to achieve for most of the movie? I guess: find the the treasure... but what are the obstacles? Try starting like this to figure out how to…
- Try to define an obstacle for Steve as an outwardly force that will prevent him from reforming the band rather than a characteristic of his. This may help you shape a journey for him.
3 Cause & effect
A clear major event forces a specific goal.
A logline traces a causal chain: event → goal → obstacle → stakes. If the inciting incident has no bearing on what the character must do, the story feels random.
Test: Ask: why does this event force the protagonist to pursue this goal?
Seen in 228 real reviews
- I believe what confused me about your first logline was the term "Zombie like state" which means to me, he runs around trying to eat peoples brains. In other words, the drug the scientist created made people 'go mad and try to eat peoples brains.'…
- The character description in this logline jumps out and not in a good way. Currently there are three things the MC is: young, a candle maker and has magic powers. Economy in words adds power to a log line so better to use a shorter…
- Great comments raised above. I would add that the teens description is unclear, what does older teens mean? Older than who? Best to describe a character flaw in this case than the age. Teens is enough to place the characters in a specific demographic. Additionally…
- I think we have an overload of Inciting Incidents: - he finds out he's an android - the aliens arrive - he finds out about his own powers His main goal of saving his home probably goes further than that: he must save the world!…
- There is an obvious problem with structure and logline conventions in the original post. Check out this page for help with lolgline conventions and basic structure: https://loglineit.com/howto/ For the next draft of the logline best to simplify the story to deal with less subject matter,…
- The logline forces the logical connection between the MC being struck by lightening and him getting the girl or the bad guys. Therefore the concept feels laboured to me, if I were to here of a boy being struck by lighting and getting special powers…
4 Filmable incident
What you describe must be visible, not a mood.
Film is a visual medium. The inciting incident and every element should be something a camera can see — not an internal state a reader has to imagine.
Test: Could a director shoot it? If it lives inside the character's head, rewrite.
Seen in 1,427 real reviews
- I had a problem picking the genre of the story. When reading the logline in its current draft the first half of it describes an environmental corporate movie where as the second half describes a scifi natural disaster one. The combination and the timing in…
- The character description in this logline jumps out and not in a good way. Currently there are three things the MC is: young, a candle maker and has magic powers. Economy in words adds power to a log line so better to use a shorter…
- I see. So from what I understand here is a quick point form breakdown of your story so far: MC - candle maker flaw - naive? inciting incident - twin being kidnapped external goal - save MCs twin internal goal - grow up? become mature?…
- I haven't seen the movie but this only gives us the Inciting Incident. What is the historian trying to achieve for most of the movie? I guess: find the the treasure... but what are the obstacles? Try starting like this to figure out how to…
- Good point raised by Richiev. Can you also specify the inciting incident what starts the captain off on his journey and why now? Then go into describing the goal and what he will do to achieve it. Hope this helps.
- Thanks for that reckon your right I am struggling with the wording on this one. Not sure how to phrase it in a logline to sum up the story. Genre - thriller will be mixed with lots of dry humor. Any thoughts would be most…
5 Clear goal
Action follows from what the protagonist wants badly.
Without a clear goal there is no story engine. Readers need to know what the protagonist is trying to achieve for the action to mean anything.
Test: State, in one line, what the protagonist wants.
Seen in 103 real reviews
- As Richieve demonstrated better to make this a personal battle for the Dr than pure principle and it could add a ticking time bomb element to the story. As it reads now the logline lacks a dramatic premise due to there being no clear goal…
- The dilemma you gave the MC is whether to take care of himself in the next 3 months or his family. This is a clear dilemma however it begs the question; after the three months are over will he not keep on taking care of…
- You haven't given your lead character a goal. What does she want? Just curious.
- Well stated by AHSitt the logline prioritises cryptic descriptions over specific ones this works agains the clarity a logline should have. There are also a notably large number of grammar mistakes which compound the effect for the reader making this a difficult senates to understand.…
- Sounds like potential for a buddy movie comedy in an outlandish almost other worldly setting. The logline has an unlikely MC a devil's servant, it has even got a buddy the atheist Mormon and he has a task. But no clear goal or AN also…
- You are using too many words to describe a plot. Regardless the complexity of the setting and the difference to our "normal" world the plot is what should dominate a logline and currently this draft reads more like a watered down description of an intricate…
6 Real stakes
It must be clear what your hero stands to lose and/or gain.
Stakes answer "what happens if the protagonist fails?" Without them, readers do not care whether the hero succeeds.
Test: Make the cost of failure (or the prize) explicit.
Seen in 707 real reviews
- As Richieve demonstrated better to make this a personal battle for the Dr than pure principle and it could add a ticking time bomb element to the story. As it reads now the logline lacks a dramatic premise due to there being no clear goal…
- I see. So from what I understand here is a quick point form breakdown of your story so far: MC - candle maker flaw - naive? inciting incident - twin being kidnapped external goal - save MCs twin internal goal - grow up? become mature?…
- Agreed with DPG. I would go further and say that this log line sounds like any other war movie. Try removing the words Galaxy and space and you basically have the generic description of any war story ever told: An army called the British Army…
- The dilemma you gave the MC is whether to take care of himself in the next 3 months or his family. This is a clear dilemma however it begs the question; after the three months are over will he not keep on taking care of…
- As previously mentioned stakes and clear objectives are needed. Additionally if this is a farce comedy then the premise could work so long as a need in the character's world is established the story would also require sufficient and well structured sub plots to work…
- Yes perhaps it should start with the stakes rather than the MC. The lieutenant is already in the silo when he discovers the general's intentions and finds it hard to get the word out to HQ due to his condition (for which he was sent…
7 Keep it simple
Only include the primary throughline. Subplots go in the synopsis.
One sentence holds one story. Multiple competing threads confuse readers about what the story actually is — a logline is not a synopsis.
Test: Choose the primary throughline; leave the rest for the synopsis.
Seen in 324 real reviews
- Your logline starts off 'when and ancient spell book activates a family heirloom' So I am thinking something like 'Todd and the book of pure evil' Then later in the logline you switch to a witch doctor trying to steal souls. That seems confusing, as…
- The words you are using are jumbled in an odd way making your logline difficult to read: "After learning of an impostor alike": Your first line's confusing. I'd go with- -"After having his identity stolen by a lookalike" ----- "...the student obtains information and reverses…
- Bit confusing as there seam to be 2 posts for the same idea I'll respond to this one. Firstly when dealing with a romantic vampire movie it must be clearly positioned relative to the numerous romantic vampire movies out already, the shear number of which…
- I believe the problem with this logline is you have given your protagonist too many goals (In the logline) 1: He must slay demons 2: He must reassemble his crew 3: He must rescue a pilot thought dead-(no reason or motivations given why that is…
- Original posting: "In a animated world with no trees but fake ones. A teenager looks for a real tree to get a girl, and learns from an exile about the tree guardian the Lorax and receives the last tree seed. Which he must plant before…
- Nope. The laptop is fine but the logline is confusing because the DEA already have the laptop and "before the DEA finds it" relates to the evidence stored on it. Perhaps: "... a rising drug lord must destroy evidence a laptop that is stored in…
8 Action, not decision
Actions can be sustained — and seen. Decisions, not so much.
A story is not about a character deciding whether to act. Commitment, not deliberation: say what the character does — pursues, sabotages, flees — not that they must choose.
Test: Replace "must decide/choose" with a verb.
Seen in 75 real reviews
- "After the death toll at Gallipoli" I may be wrong (I'm not a native English speaker) but it seems to me that 'death toll' doesn't refer to an event, or a point in time but rather a number, an amount. In that case the phrase…
- The dilemma you gave the MC is whether to take care of himself in the next 3 months or his family. This is a clear dilemma however it begs the question; after the three months are over will he not keep on taking care of…
- Yes must steal enough blood to protect his family? sounds better and yes "caretaker" or "loyal caretaker" also sounds better. But I still feel like just steeling blood whether to feed his family or himself is not compelling enough of an action to sustain my…
- The logline appears to end with what sounds like the inciting incident. Everything else prior to that feels like back story and setup. I think re structuring the logline would help it describe a compelling story and create intrigue. My try: After the angel of…
- Valentin says: Maybe they're two, but there is only one horse! ----- Richiev Says: Might be a good thing to add to the logline? ----- "When their horse-driven wagon and three of their horses die in the middle of the outback, an Australian couple, with…
- Good points FFF, I do think the logline would be stronger without he ends up in the last place he would ever want to be? I was debating whether to add that line or not.
9 Every detail earns its place
If it doesn't add tension or clarity, omit it.
Every element in a logline must function. Details that sound interesting but do not create a problem for the protagonist waste words and blur the pitch.
Test: Test each detail: does it create a problem for the protagonist? If not, cut it.
Seen in 130 real reviews
- Great comments raised above. I would add that the teens description is unclear, what does older teens mean? Older than who? Best to describe a character flaw in this case than the age. Teens is enough to place the characters in a specific demographic. Additionally…
- Much better reads clearer and more efficient but still a tad bit confusing. As the mechanics of Werewolfism are not known by most the: "add her to its pack" seams out of place. From my memory of most Werewolf flicks it's: kill the Werewolf or…
- This has the makings of an interesting idea however there are a couple issues with the logline. First: I see this a lot in loglines. the logline describes how a character travels to a plot point, instead of just telling us a plot point. We…
- There's a lot - maybe too much - to take in for the reader... and yet there's not enough story. The inciting incident is clear: hero is thrown out of the comfort zone and becomes fish out of water. But what follows is purely an…
- Congrats Tammie, you posted the 5,000th review on this site! Now on the logline: The reception lounge has nothing to do with the heart of this story (according to the rest of the logline), so just cut any mention of it. Also cut the mention…
- "...the protagonist must find the courage and confidence to step out of his usual observer? role and act decisively, which is usually out of his character." This is a great inner journey so best to use it to drive the story. As mentioned true to…
10 No hedging
Cut "seems", "appears", "tries" — commit.
Hedging language signals uncertainty. Either the thing happens or it does not — a logline commits: X happens, therefore Y must occur.
Test: Remove "seems", "appears", "attempts", "tries".
Seen in 80 real reviews
- It took me a while to decipher what you had written, it was a bit confusing. After being imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit, a prosecutor must rely on the very inmates he convicted to prove his innocence.
- OK I commented, it says I must verify my e-mail or await moderation but I didn't receive an e-mail: This is what I said. It took me a while to decipher what you had written, it was a bit confusing. After being imprisoned for a…
- The man's discovery of the suicide is his inciting incident all the descriptions prior to that are superfluous in the log line. You are trying to allude to the aspect of irony the story holds but in my mind it is confusing the A plot…
- The logline is too long and as I read it I asked why must the unite of soldiers stop the other guy? what made them need to do this? Point is the structure of the logline is working against itself so better to put the…
- "After a curse is placed on him?" does not directly relate to "...must convince his non-committal girlfriend to fall in love with?". There is no connection or cause and effect between the inciting incident and the goal. Further if she is already his girlfriend wouldn't…
- Perhaps add a time frame by which the MC has to do something rather than just be pursued by bad guys for an arbitrary period. What if the MC has 48 hours to live and must publish his finding on the web or else? But…