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DonArtPenpusher
A high school dance challenges, socially awkward teen, to ask is jealous best friend for dancing lessons, after being asked out by the most popular girl in school.
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The wording makes this unclear.
Try rewriting.
“When he’s asked to homecoming by the most popular girl in school, a socially awkward teen must seek dance lessons from his best friend who, unbeknownst to him, is secretly in love with him.”
No matter the story, if the logline has so many grammatical issues, I wouldn’t expect the screenplay to? be worth reading.? It’s just the nature of the business.? The logline is a screenplay’s first impression, so you need to make sure you don’t screw that up.
As for the story, I’ve seen plenty of stories where one friend helps another court a girl that he is secretly in love with, and especially,, as Richiev suggests, the friend is interested in the other friend.? The latter I think is much more interesting, since those dance lessons? give lots of opportunity for tension.? Dancing lessons for a big challenge might be fun to watch if done well, but it doesn’t really help? the story itself.
I think you can make a decent film out of this,? but I’d likely skip it because it doesn’t really stand out to me.
Worth repeating what Scott said:
The logline is not only the first impression of the script, it is also the first impression of the writer.
You only get one chance to make the right first impression.
This sounds like a good Coming-of-Age Drama/Comedy, but like others said before me, make sure it is grammatically perfect. I wasn’t even sure the best friend was secretly in love with the MC until I read it from one of the comments on here.