Penpusher
Posted: 2019-10-22T13:52:58+10:00 In:

A Russian immigrant is searching for the answers of her life in the assassination of Boris Nemtsov, the most feared of Putin?s adversaries. She is finding much more than she ever hoped for.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      The first issue is that the stakes are unclear.? Why is the immigrant investigating this crime?? Is it a school project, or is she trying to start her career in journalism?? Is she threatened in some way?? What’s motivating the immigrant to do anything, here?

      Secondly, we need a clear goal, in addition to the stakes, in order to convince us there’s an interesting story here.? The “finding much more” line isn’t going to intrigue anyone.? All we know is that she’s searching for answers.

      I’m going to guess what you are getting at is the answer about whether or not Putin was responsible for Nemtsov’s death.? Then she likely fears for her own life, once she knows too much.? You probably can just be specific about that, add the initial motivation (maybe in the form of the “what happens that makes her start searching?”), and you’re golden.

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    2. Logliner

      Would you consider a more Cause and Effect approach?

      “When Putin?s most feared adversary, Boris Nemtsov, is assassinated, a Russian immigrant must ….”

      That is the ‘Event’ is the cause of the effect, or actions which must then be taken by protagonist. These actions are usually unexpected to the main character? (but don’t have to be).? For best results the events cause character to reveal deepest flaw – i.e. made to feel most vulnerable.

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    3. Penpusher

      The connection between the immigrant’s life and assassination of Nemtsov is unclear. Why is this topic important to her? What is her personal connection to Nemtsov’s story? I think that making it clearer in the logline will attract more interest to the project.

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