Love, Hate & Rock ‘n’ Roll
A young African-American woman and her family flee from her violent father in 1960s deep south. Amidst rock star fame in the 1970s, however, she discovers that she may be the very thing she had hated as a child.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
The log line doesn’t flow very well due to the opening sentence. Is there someway you can incorporate, in less words, the first sentence within the second? Something like:
During her rock star fame an African-American woman, who suffered from an abusive childhood, discovers she has become the very thing that frightened her as a child.
Does she become violent like her father was? Perhaps that could be added in instead of just saying the ‘very thing’. It also hints at internal stakes but could it be that she will lose her family from what she has become? Again maybe that should be added in. Think the description of the backstory needs to be cut down in order to let us know more of what is at stake for this character.
Help this helps
I agree with Kriss – drop the first sentence and find a way to incorporate it into the rest.
The problem for me in this logline is that it’s way too vague – a character discovers they might be a certain way. There’s no goal clearly stated, which makes it difficult for me to know whether it’s a story I want to see. Because there’s no goal, the stakes of failing to achieve that goal are not clear.
What you have hinted at in the logline is SURVIVAL – now, this is primal, and relatable, and it’s what COULD get me interested in your idea.
So … a rock star (what sort? I don’t mean metal versus country, I mean, is she a faded and jaded rock star? A bright young thing with stars in her eyes? What sort of character is this rock star?) is trying to achieve something … what else can you give us?
What I gain from your logline is a young woman overcomes a hellish childhood & it sounds like she moves her whole family into a better life but then this is threatened when she starts to act like her father and return the family a cycle that could ruin them. A great idea! I agree with the earlier replies suggesting being more specific about her character & the defect will create a clearer picture and arouse more interest.
Suggestion to shape a clear and concise logline:
“Amidst rock star fame in the 1970s, an African-American woman discovers that she has become the very thing she feared as a child: an abusive parent.”