–
Tony ByrdPenpusher
After being beating up because of his lack of social skills, a college student with Asperger’s syndrome decides to shoot his classmates and professor.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
By doing what? Give us more specifics. The Act I climax is probably the point he decides to get his revenge and begins to put his plan into motion. In this case there is still the whole of Act II that the reader needs to have some idea what’s happening. Act II takes up the bulk of the plot so tell us specifically what this college student is going to do.
“College student” as a protagonist is very vague and a problem that’s been flagged up in other loglines. Give us more information about him. Tell us something interesting that relates to the story in some way.
What happens if he doesn’t get revenge?
I have to agree, some specifics would be helpful to flesh this logline out.
First: How is the lead bullied? Is he given a wedgie? Beaten up? Did he have his clothes stolen while taking a shower at gym class? What is the specific event that sets off the lead character?
Second: And the term, revenge is vague as well. Does he put laxatives in the school lunch? Does he hack the school computer and give them all F’s, Does he burn down the school?
In other words, depending on the type of revenge, (Funny, mean, poetic justice etc.)? this could be “Revenge of the Nerds” or it could be “The Basketball Diaries” And that is a pretty big swing of styles.
1) He was beaten up.
2) He wants to kill his classmates with a gun.
New version…. The End.