Logliner
Posted: 2013-02-16T05:49:12+10:00 In:

A perfectionist hitman is drafted by two mobsters to assassinate their Don. Twenty nine hours later; he's struggling to cope with his dying father, seduced into an electric one-night stand, and, in a bizarre twist of fate, seriously wounded. Can he learn the identity of his betrayer before his world comes crashing down?

Grim Game

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    2 Reviews

    1. This sounds like a pretty cool movie idea. For a log line, this is a bit long though. The recommended length is one to two sentences.Maybe try and condense this down and make it shorter and tighter 🙂

      Also, why is it a bizarre twist of fate that a hit man who is going after a key mob boss is seriously wounded? I think that could kind of be expected when going up against such a formidable opponent.

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    2. Samurai

      All of that really interesting middle section … is superfluous. You’ve given us you inciting incident (hired to kill a Don), and the action (once betrayed, he fights to uncover the truth behind the betrayal). I think if you want to include that other stuff you need to find a more organic way for it to put it across.
      Also, “the world come crashing down” is a little vague – what specifically will happen if he fails to discover (and catch/kill?) the person who betrayed him?

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