When an unsettling past is brought to light between two enemy veterans, a young lady struggling to find her story in the world must reconcile the gentleman, for friendship and trust is at stake.
Jake ReevesPenpusher
When an unsettling past is brought to light between two enemy veterans, a young lady struggling to find her story in the world must reconcile the gentleman, for friendship and trust is at stake.
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When an honorable, but ineffectual young lady discovers unsettling secrets between two veteran enemies, she must conceal the truth to save her friendship with the rivaling gentlemen.
This logline sets up the conflict and stakes of the story pretty clearly. It tells us that there are two veteran enemies with a bad past, and a young lady who needs to make peace between them. But we don’t know what the past is or why it matters, and we don’t know much about the lady or what she’s struggling with. Still, if the story is done well and has good characters and themes, this logline could work as an idea to build on.
Notes:
• The phrase ‘unsettling past’ is too vague and could benefit from elaboration to create intrigue and draw in readers.
• The description of ‘a young lady struggling to find her story in the world’ is also too ambiguous and would benefit from specific details about her struggle, making it more compelling and relatable for readers.
• Adding more information about the stakes at play would increase impact, engagement, and heighten the sense of tension in the story. Specifically, what is at risk if the two veterans cannot reconcile?
Well done on the upload Jake Reeves!
Sounds very intriguing, well done!
Perhaps could include a little bit more detail into what sort of events will take place just for a little bit more context.