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jamesmichaelPenpusher
Posted: April 9, 20122012-04-09T04:29:25+10:00 2012-04-09T04:29:25+10:00

"Shaken by the death of her role model a self doubting young woman finds a new heroine, but is this replacement the answer to her happiness or the path to self destruction?"

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    3 Reviews

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    1. [Deleted User]
      2012-04-11T03:00:22+10:00Added an answer on April 11, 2012 at 3:00 am

      Interesting setup and good potential for a transformational journey.

      However, currently there is no cinematic story. It is all internalized: having a role model doesn’t tell us anything about what the hero wants to achieve.

      Even the wording “finds a new heroine” moves the focus away from the character who should really be the heroine, i.e. the young woman…

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    2. [Deleted User]
      2012-04-11T05:19:52+10:00Added an answer on April 11, 2012 at 5:19 am

      Steven: “Firstly, a young woman who is ?self-doubting? is all too common and ordinary sounding. Big yawn just there. A better approach would be to vividly contrast the two idols she has. For example, ?a vivacious teen girl must recover from the death of a free-spirited and influential aunt. She finds her next idol in the form of a foul-mouthed. anarchistic, bad girl. But will this choice be her undoing??

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    3. [Deleted User]
      2012-04-11T05:20:31+10:00Added an answer on April 11, 2012 at 5:20 am

      Adrian: “There is no need to ask the question. If the new heroine is the answer to her happiness, then there isn’t much of a story. It’s probably the path to self-destruction. Then how does she redeem herself?”

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