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jamesmichaelPenpusher
"Shaken by the death of her role model a self doubting young woman finds a new heroine, but is this replacement the answer to her happiness or the path to self destruction?"
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Adrian: “There is no need to ask the question. If the new heroine is the answer to her happiness, then there isn’t much of a story. It’s probably the path to self-destruction. Then how does she redeem herself?”
Steven: “Firstly, a young woman who is ?self-doubting? is all too common and ordinary sounding. Big yawn just there. A better approach would be to vividly contrast the two idols she has. For example, ?a vivacious teen girl must recover from the death of a free-spirited and influential aunt. She finds her next idol in the form of a foul-mouthed. anarchistic, bad girl. But will this choice be her undoing??
Interesting setup and good potential for a transformational journey.
However, currently there is no cinematic story. It is all internalized: having a role model doesn’t tell us anything about what the hero wants to achieve.
Even the wording “finds a new heroine” moves the focus away from the character who should really be the heroine, i.e. the young woman…