The Curse of Sammy Dee Dee
A washed up rock star trying to make his way back to the top attempts to kick his habit in order to get the girl, finds himself with a new addiction.
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This logline is a good starter as there is lots of meat – but it’s somewhat messy.
‘to make his way to the top’ is not specific enough. How do we visualise this? E.g. does he want to be hired for a big music festival?
‘to kick his habit’ is the second goal – but this is borderline inner journey. Characters with addictions have inner problems that need resolving first.
‘to get the girl’ – this is the actual goal of the story and it will define genre (romance) and structure (wants – gets – loses – gets).
‘finds himself with a new addiction’ – sounds great but is a bit of a cop-out. Any producer will want to know straight up what this is and how it propels the story.
A washed up rock star trying to make his way back to the top attempts to kick his habit in order to get the girl, finds himself with a new addiction
I think it’s a good logline, but could use a little work. It’s certainly a neat concept.
To me, “washed up rock star” is a bit cliche. I’d look for another phrase; “burned out”, perhaps, although that’s almost as cliche. “trying to make his way to the top” uses eight words to say one thing. Loglines are prime real estate, so I’d work on making this shorter and tighter.
You seem to have a “hook” for the story, but it’s not revealed in the logline. This is not a time to be secretive or mysterious. Let it all hang out, as you are trying to get someone interested enough to read the script. As it stands now, it doesn’t achieve that-for me- but I know there’s a cool story in there. It just has to be presented correctly. Also, the tone is unclear. Read one way, it seems like a rom/com; another way, a dramatic “Permanent Midnight” tone. Genre should be unquestionably clear in a logline.