SAFEWORD
To overcome her performance anxiety, a renowned classical pianist pursues an anonymous affair with a man who is sharply skilled at erotic knife-play.
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I love the word choice. “sharply skilled at erotic knife-play” is a witty pun. Not sure I understand why a pianist would have an affair with someone just to ease her performance anxiety. Unless the performance anxiety is performance in the bedroom and not performance as it comes to playing the piano. If this is the case though, it doesn’t need to be included that she is a renowned pianist.
Just some thoughts. Take it or leave it 🙂
I agree with mmckean; the concept itself is certainly interesting, but the link between a pianist with performance anxiety and a knife wielding sex partner is not entirely clear. Nor is the end goal; obviously they hook up, she can perform … but does she have something big and important that she needs to be at her peak for? How intense are she and her new partner going to have to go to break through this particular performance anxiety?
Great title.
I love it.
Her performance anxiety is fear-based, so she engages in a form of fear play. For me, it’s unique and interesting.
It almost reminds me of “Girl on The Bridge,” but, if I recall, knife-play in that film was about overcoming suicide and embracing life…. or whatever… I’ve been wanting to watch that film again.
It’s one of my favorite loglines I’ve read on this site.
Thanks for your feedback mmckean. If I remove the fact she’s a pianist, it will simply look like a woman simply pursues an anonymous affair–but why, and what makes that a movie? Being that the pressures of her profession have a lot do with her motivation, I’ll consider changing the logline to, “To overcome her fear of performing, a renowned concert pianist…”
I love those questions! Watching the movie answers them. Loglines are supposed to present the problem and/or the situation, but not spell it all out for you–or why see the movie? If the setup intrigues or compels you enough you’ll consider watching the movie to see how it all plays out. This is all you’re gonna get with a 1-sentence logline and I see far too many that are far too long.
I’m also hoping people can imagine the pressure a renowned classical pianist faces, which hopefully communicates the ‘big and important’
Thanks so much for your ‘facing fear to fight fear’ comment. It’s influencing me to alter this logline to suggest your observation and mmckean’s question above.
So what if the logline read,
“To overcome her fear of performing, a renowned classical pianist pursues an anonymous affair with a man who is sharply skilled at erotic knife-play.”
?
I like nicholasandrewhalls comment. I think you should set the story around a particular event, e.g. terrified of auditioning for the role of [blank], instead of the vague “performance anxiety.”
Focusing on performing at a particular event will allow the audience to lock on an identifiable goal. It will also give her a ticking clock, and goes a long way in setting up the stakes (i.e. “this is that one career make/break moment.”).
Thanks so much for all the feedback! All very useful 🙂
Thank you!