The Angel of God is brutalized by the police because of the color of his skin, and now his daughter a sergeant on the police force must choose her job or her family. The salvation of humanity is dependent on her choice.
http://johnclandenstine.wix.com/thesentient
MegalithicPenpusher
The Angel of God is brutalized by the police because of the color of his skin, and now his daughter a sergeant on the police force must choose her job or her family. The salvation of humanity is dependent on her choice. http://johnclandenstine.wix.com/thesentient
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Why does the daughter matter? Why is her decision so important?
My suggestion: After she finds out that a brutalized homeless man is an angel, a cop must find a way to kill him before he takes his vengeance on humanity. (~28 words)
After its many iterations, I still fail to see how the daughter plays an important enough role to make it into the logline – either it’s about her and the inciting incident needs to happen to her, or it’s about him and she can be cut from the logline. Currently the inciting incident happens to the angel not the daughter.
The concept seems rather disjointed as the plot points?don’t seem to connect in a cause and effect relationship. Reason is that in the logline racial abuse doesn’t connect to the end of humanity, in any direct form that is.
Agree with Nir Shelter. ?The pieces just don’t seem to connect in a clear cause and effect relationship.
Also “must choose” is a decisive moment in a story, but it is not an objective goal. ?A plot is not about having to choose; ?it’s about what happens after?the “must choose” moment– the consequences, for better and worse, that follow from the choice the protagonist makes.
I read the first 18 pages of the script, the daughter doesn’t show up… she can hardly be the main character. I have?the feeling of un unfocused story. I think you should define your main character, define what EXACTLY puts the story in motion (the inciting event), define a clear goal for the main character. All this should be crystal clear in the logline and in the first 30 pages of the script.
“Your world did not end today, your world ended October 28, 1965, you never understood the greatest evil is not knowing you?re the evil.”
I like this, this is the story I’d like to read, I want to read a story which explains this sentence.
Thank you, the first 18 are essentially the set up…. the daughter appears toward the end of the first act and she is the main antagonist… by the end of the first act everything will hv started to come into focus for you giving you a perspective on American life u hv nvr seen… I promise if you read 19 to 36 you will not feel the way you do, the movie is a substratum.