When college student, David Piersall, accidentally kills his girlfriends younger brother, his mistake brings the forces of the supernatural down upon him.

Ok gentlemen I will be rewriting. Maybe this script isn't about David after all. There are many layers to it as well as some solid supporting characters so I'll have to go back to the lab and rewrite. Thanks again.

When college student, David Piersall, accidentally kills his girlfriends younger brother, his mistake brings the forces of the supernatural down upon him.

The inciting incident is ALWAYS something that happens to the main character, never something the character does themselves. So 'accidentally killing' is probably not a suitable event, as Paul intuitively indicated above.

The appearance of the forces of the supernatural is still part of the inciting incident as it happens directly after the killing and it kicks the story in motion. So in fact, we don't have enough information about the story. What is going to happen in Act Two? What does David do to fight the forces? What is his special power? And what is the specific objective he goes after in order to make the dark forces disappear? Try not to keep the logline open ended.

I agree with JamesMichael. Ditch the name, it's valuable space wasted. Instead use those two words to describe him. What makes him interesting? Is there anything ironic about him encountering the supernatural? Maybe he's a non-believer. Also, I'm going to find it hard to care for someone who accidentally kills someone. Not sure how that's going to work out.

Overall, it's just too vague. I don't have enough info to get an understanding of the story, or the characters. There's not enough there to catch my attention enough to want to read it.