When a flippant prankster is ripped off by crazy scammer he seeks compensation but inadvertently starts a relationship with the scammer?s even crazier assistant.
WayneLogliner
When a flippant prankster is ripped off by crazy scammer he seeks compensation but inadvertently starts a relationship with the scammer?s even crazier assistant.
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I think you have a decent idea,? I like it.? However, needs work.??? Don’t understand what a flippant prankster is.?? How does his relationship with even crazier
assistant relate to his goal of seeking compensation?
Me too I ask ‘How does his relationship with even crazier?assistant relate to his goal of seeking compensation?’
As the others said.
And does “start a relationship” ?means he falls in love? ?Whatever, it’s a detour from his objective goal — which is okay for a complication in the story, but the relationship story is usually the “B” story in a script while a logline ?is only about the “A” story, the protagonist’s objective goal in opposition to the antagonist.
You’re putting a lot into this log line, and it feels bogged down. ?Ultimately this feels like a story about a man getting into a relationship with a crazy girl who scammed him. ?It feels like you should simplify your pitch. ?I don’t need to know he’s a prankster, or that there’s a crazy scammer that the girl works for. ?Just the man and the girl
It isn’t a story about a man falling in love with the principal character who scammed him.
But it would make for a more interesting premise if it were. ?Drop the middle man, the crazy scammer.
She scams a mark. ?The mark falls in love with her. ?Crazy love.
Agreed with the others – the B plot love interest shouldn’t be in the logline.
It would hep the logline if you were to elaborate on how he will get his compensation.
Thanks heaps for your input.? Just to explain my reasoning:?
The main character reaches his goal at midpoint.?
Then his goal changes to survival after he starts a relationship with a sociopathic femme fatale who was part of the initial scam.? She helps him steal opals from the initial scammer.
Any thoughts on this midpoint goal change??? Do I have a problem with the script or the logline?
Here’s another go at it:
When a flippant YouTube prankster is scammed he reimburses himself by stealing opals from the scammer with help from the scammer?s femme fatale assistant
Any comments appreciated.? Thanks
A change in objective goals would mean the story has two distinct plots. ? The rule of one plot per story or episode (in a series) is not an arbitrary one. ?It exists for sound aesthetic and commercial reasons. ?You violate it at your concept’s peril. ?For as sure as the sun rises, you increase the odds, which are already stacked against against you, ?that your script will be rejected. ?You’re handing script readers an easy excuse to give a “pass” on their coverage.
Just saying.
What is your story really, really?about? ?What most intrigues you about this concept? ?What do you think would most intrigue an audience? ?Stealing the opals or the relationship with the femme fatale? ?Whatever your answer is, frame one plot accordingly.
As DPG said, it’s a dangerous proposition, for un produced writers,?to steer away from the path of convention and 2 goals in the one script is doing just that.
Secondly, a femme fatal is an arch type unique to the film noir genre, literally?including such a description in the logline is not recommended.