A Montana preacher rides across a fading wild west to see his outlaw daughter one last time before she hangs for train-robbing and decide if he will break his moral code to save her.
deserthorrorLogliner
A Montana preacher rides across a fading wild west to see his outlaw daughter one last time before she hangs for train-robbing and decide if he will break his moral code to save her.
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It works but don’t leave it with a question. ?Leaving it unanswered does say what the story is, it is marketing.
Plus “save her” could be a little vague.
To me”save her” is obvious. ?If saving her entails breaking his moral code then he’s going to have to resort to violent and illegal means to rescue her from the hangman’s noose.
As written, the logline seems to suggest a story line where the audience has to wait (30 minutes)… and wait (60 minutes)… and wait (90 minutes?) while he makes up his mind. ?If that is the case, what is going on during all that time to keep them waiting and interested in the outcome? ? ?The western genre raises certain expectations about action and conflict, and I see none of those expectations being realized until ?he makes up his mind, and I don’t know how long that is going to take. ?Or what’s going to happen of dramatic interest — which is to say what is going to keep an audience interested in the story — while waiting for him to decide.
?How does he go about making up his mind (besides traveling ?cross country to see her)?
And then (surprise, surprise!) if he decides to save her, the question arises: ?can he save her? ?He’s only a preacher. ?Or is he an ex-gunslinger turned preacher, someone who has the skill set to credibly rescue her?
And will an audience buy into his choice to free her?
And if he’s successful, then how is she going to stay free? ?More than ever, she’s a wanted outlaws with a price on her head? How can he go back to preaching? ?He’s an outlaw, too, now, a wanted man?
What is the story really about? ?Making up his mind? ?Or the consequences that follow after he makes up his mind?
From a practical stand point, how do you show a lead character trying to decide whether or not to save his daughter on screen?
There seems to be some good conflict here, deserthorror! Does one choose moral values and work ethic over family. I expect the daughter and father have a history of conflict.
Is the “one last time” needed here? If she hangs, obviously it would be the last time he would see her, right?
By saying he “rides across the fading Wild West” , I get the impression this is about the road-trip he takes and about? what is different now (fading). Perhaps he learns of a different, new world that forces him to confront what he values and this is what makes him want to save her. Perhaps he was going to watch her hang, to say goodbye and forgive her sins. Perhaps after the journey he is changed by what he sees and now realizes he must save her?
Cheers, SWS