SAURIAN
Two men hunt the rogue crocodile that killed both their wives. One wants to save it, the other wants it dead!
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Unless the crocodile actually escaped from somewhere (zoo, farm…), aren’t they all technically “rogue?” I’d use that word/space to better describe how menacing the “villain” is. “Two men hunt for the blood-thirsty, 23′ crocodile that…” Off the top of my head (as in, kinda lame), but you get the idea.
I’d also flip the last part and replace “dead” with “slaughter” – much more exciting. And lastly, I’d explain why the other guy wants to save it – cuz… that’s confusing — Animal Rights activist (PETA) or something? Explaining that would better illustrate the tension between the husbands.
“Two men hunt for the monstrous crocodile that killed both their wives. One wants to slaughter it, while the other, an Animal Rights Activist, wants to save it.”
Animal Rights Activist may not flow too well. But… just my 2 cents!
Lol I actually had internal conflict over the use of “rogue” mainly because the media like to describe all attacks by critters on humans that way. On the same token aren’t all movie critter villains monstrous – I thought that might have been a given. – True slaughter sounds better than just dead. Interestingly you picked up on two sub-plots ie escape and activist. Thanks for the input much appreciated.
Intriguing monster thriller… you have me curious about the motivations of these two men. The man who wants to save it must really have hated his wife!
To get us more invested, tell us which man is the main character, his profession, and his strength and flaw. I believe the man who wants to kill it is more relatable, and the setup gives him two obstacles that stop him from accomplishing his goal, the crocodile itself and the other man.
Also, it might add an extra level of interest to let us know the relationship between these two men, if any. Are they brothers, friends, or workmates? Also, was it a single crocodile attack that claimed both women, or two separate events?
Filling in the blanks myself, perhaps something like:
When a crocodile kills the wives of a paranoid captain and his activist brother, the captain must destroy the beast, and stop his brother from saving it.
Thanks for the replies guys and thanks to Karel for setting this up,it is proving to be very helpful.
Patrockable – I’ve taken onboard your suggestions and thought I’d give it another try.
Sam promised his dying wife not to have the crocodile that took her life killed. The monster has escaped from his Wildlife Park and killed again. To honour his promise he must locate the beast before the vengeful husband of it’s latest victim exacts his revenge.
Hmmm what do you think? Too much?
Very catchy… could also serve as a tagline almost.
I don’t have a problem with ‘rogue’ but ‘monstrous crocodile’ works just as well.
It’s very intriguing why the other widower would want to save it. I wonder if it might have more impact without the exclamation point.
I like it, if a producer with a sense of humour reads that, he/she is liable to remember it (and that’s half the battle)
One wants to save it, a pressie for his next wife?
One wants to kill it, to make a pair of boots of it so that he’ll never forget it, (it might be an idea if he doesn’t let people see him thanking the boots though)
Cool, now you have a main character. But try to sum it up in one sentence. A logline should be around 25 words or under…
Check out the “How to Write it?” section of https://loglines.org/howto/ if you haven’t already done so.
I don’t like the “save it” guy being the main character. The crocodile is clearly dangerous and taking human lives. Saving a killing monster because your crazy dying wife made you promise to sounds like something a “screwed in the head” villain would do, not a hero.
The “kill it” guy’s motivation is more credible and relatable. I understand the need to avenge the wife he loved, and to stop the monster taking more lives.
I first wrote tale in novel form more years back than I care to remember. The thing is, it is set in Australia. Here in oz the croc is a protected species and is more likely to be relocated than killed in the event of an attack.The theme seemed to work well enough in the novel but in trying to turn it into a movie, I must admit I have been struggling. Now here you go and slap me over the back of the head with the friggin obvious.
I recently asked a producer what to do when the antagonist appears to be taking over the story, his reply was “Interesting question, why don’t you put it up in a forum.”
Now I’m thinking that I have been so stuck on the original story that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.
Another draft here I come.
Thanks (i think)
Just because the croc is protected here, are they protected everywhere?
If not, bang goes your whole ‘rogue croc’ element. Add that to the script, not the logline as you may lose potential buyers.
Something else to consider when writing the script, can the film be made without to much cost?
The best logline in the world won’t help if portions of the script require a crew to be in croc infested areas, cause then the costs start escalting.