When a recluse, who can use his memories to transfer his consciousness into his younger self, remembers a fragment of a repressed memory pertaining to the night his mother was murdered, he undergoes therapy to restore it in full so he can go back and save her life.
KnightriderMentor
When a recluse, who can use his memories to transfer his consciousness into his younger self, remembers a fragment of a repressed memory pertaining to the night his mother was murdered, he undergoes therapy to restore it in full so he can go back and save her life.
Share
Is the story about the therapy?
I’d say therapy goes to midpoint. But that’s just how’d I write it. I’d drop all the reclusive stuff. Plus it is a bit wordy in the middle.
A man that can transfer his consciousness to his younger self through memory goes to therapy to unlock the memory of his mother’s murder so he can go back and stop it.
Still needs a polish. There must be a quicker way to describe the reason for therapy.
Sounds like the ‘hook’ is his ability to transfer into his past, outside of this it’s a simple story – mother’s in danger and he goes to save her. Therefore the inciting incident should be him discovering clues as to how she died or who killed her.
All the rest can be cut from the logline:
A man who can transfer his consciousness into his younger self discovers who killed his mother and must transfer back into his childhood to save her life.
A agree with Nir, although I would change the order
“When he discovers who killed his mother, a man who can transfer his consciousness into his younger self must travel time to save her.”