A clerk at the age of 40, married and father of two kids realise his true passion for life and start to chase it along with fulfilling all his commitments and responsibilities.
msc230278Penpusher
A clerk at the age of 40, married and father of two kids realise his true passion for life and start to chase it along with fulfilling all his commitments and responsibilities.
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What is his “true passion”? ?Collecting rare books? ?Fixing up and riding ?vintage Harley-Davidson ?motorcycles? ?Becoming a tattoo artist? ?The number of “true passions” a human being can have are probably as numerous as the number of people who exist. The ?logline needs state exactly what the true passion is for this character. ?And It needs to be stated in a form that clearly states and objective goal that develops from pursuing his “true passion”.
And what dramatic problem does it create? I’m guessing that pursuing his passion will collide with being a responsible father and husband ?– that’s the obvious plot trajectory. ?But I shouldn’t have to guess. It should be either stated or implicitly obvious from ?the logline.
And what are the stakes? ?Why MUST he do whatever he does? ?What is to be gained if he succeeds, lost if he fails?
You give us way to much back story at the beginning of the logline then don’t give us the most important story element. What is his true passion?
If his passion is for painting, He could set up a little studio in the basement and paint when he gets home from work and still keep all his commitments.
If his ?passion for being a rodeo clown, he could get injured and could cause conflict with his wife who wouldn’t want him to endanger himself.
If his passion for Surfing, it might mean he would have to uproot his family and move them to Hawaii, causing turmoil with the children who have to make new friends.
By telling us his passion, it gives us a glimpse of what troubles he may face.