Homeless man trying to make friends with people, when all his attempts are not successful, and he is heavily beaten, he builds a rocket to launch himself into space.

A logline is brief so errors in sentence construction are glaring in a space so confined. As it is this would need to read, “A homeless man tries to make friends with people, but when all his attempts are unsuccessful and he is heavily beaten, he builds a rocket to launch himself into space.”

As a logline this seems unnecessarily long, though, and so lacks punch. There’s a lot of information you could condense into single statements to increase flow and momentum, rather than just handing out the plot points ike a list (1. Homeless man trying to make friends with people. 2. All his attempts are not successful. 3. He is badly beaten. 4. He builds a rocket.). I’m thinking along the lines, “When a homeless man’s attempts at friendship are met with violence, he builds a rocket to escape into space.”

It’s not a real humdinger either, but can you see what I mean about combining information? I think this is a much better way to go as far as loglining this one. As a concept it’s appealing; I’d watch this.