EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT WOODY ALLEN AND A FEW THINGS I MADE UP –
A nebbish Indian boy convinced he’s telepathically linked to Woody Allen learns critical life lessons from colorful characters when he embarks on an adventure to find Woody in NY
FmaSamurai
EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT WOODY ALLEN AND A FEW THINGS I MADE UP – A nebbish Indian boy convinced he’s telepathically linked to Woody Allen learns critical life lessons from colorful characters when he embarks on an adventure to find Woody in NY
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I don’t think telekinetic as used in your logline means the same thing as I understand the word to mean.
You might want to leave that part out since it doesn’t add to the logline.
Telepathically linked or not, why does he need to find Woody? And to that matter, what is is his goal beyond finding him? What will he achieve?
Fma:
There is a difference between hooking someone on your story and being completely vague. A hook is something that raises interest, whether it’s a twist on a well-trod trope, a cool new idea, or something. Simply being vague and withholding information is something completely different. Sure, Nir Shelter asked for more information, but that’s because a logline is used to sell a concept to someone who with more money than you to make it into a film. They don’t want to take a risk on something that’s vague and they don’t know what they’re buying.
Now, on your actual logline, I don’t see a strong hook. Maybe you’re trying to use Woody Allen as a hook, but for me, as someone who doesn’t really watch comedy often, there’s nothing here that makes me think this is even particularly funny. What events actually take place on screen? I don’t know, and a producer wouldn’t either.
For an example, let’s look at Groundhog Day. The hook of that story is a(at the time) unique situation used to create comedy and drama, which is a man reliving the same day over and over. More recently, Edge of Tomorrow used the same hook, and in a nutshell it’s “Groundhog Day with aliens.(and Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt)” That’s a hook, something people want to see.
So basically, in response to your comment to Nir Shelter: yes, the audience for a logline, a tool used to sell a concept, would like to know. And no, they would not be hooked, would not be rushing to make this because they would be too busy asking questions to clarify.
As others have pointed out, you’ve posted many loglines with similar problems and don’t seem to take suggestions or focus on any one premise to improve it. So I suggest you focus on a single logline and premise using feedback you’ve received.
I hope this helps.