When a disaffected war hero takes control of a nuclear missile silo, the resourceful silo commander must take it back while hiding the fact that she is a Russian spy.
CMathiasLogliner
When a disaffected war hero takes control of a nuclear missile silo, the resourceful silo commander must take it back while hiding the fact that she is a Russian spy.
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“When a disaffected war hero takes control of a nuclear missile silo, the resourceful silo commander must take it back while hiding the fact that she is a Russian spy.”
This logline raises interest, but I see a problem and it raises a question for clarification. First, when is it set? Also, wouldn’t nuclear facilities have a bit of security? And just one man/woman takes control of it? Perhaps make it a team.
The problem I see is that the logline presents two objective goals. Take back the silo and hide that she’s a spy. So, since I’m assuming that the main action of the film would be to take back the silo, how does doing this help her keep her secret? How do these two objectives tie together? How does having to work to keep her secret branch out from her trying to take back the silo?
Otherwise, I think the story has a good hook.
A logline should be written from one point of view.
Your logline begins from the point of view of the War Hero, and we think, he is the lead character
Then it switches perspectives and now the lead has shifted to the Silo Commander/Spy
This confuses the reader because we don’t know who the lead is from reading your logline.
I would pick one character to be the lead then write the logline from their perspective for the sake of clarity.
Agreed with Dkpough1 and DPG.
What is the story here? Is it about the spy trying to hide her true identity? Or her trying to take back control of the silo? Or the war hero trying to start WW3?
I don’t see what the dramatic dilemma is here.
A true dilemma is one where a character must choose between 2 courses of action, both of which are equally desirable or equally undesirable. ?Emphasis on equally: ?she’s damned if she she does; she’s damned if she doesn’t. If the choices aren’t weighted equally, then it’s not a true dramatic dilemma.
I don’t see how having to overcome the war hero puts her in jeopardy of being revealed as a spy. ?Nor do I see how it conflicts with her spy mission. ?Surely, it is in the best interest of the country she spies for to defuse any situation that would trigger a nuclear war. ?She’s been planted as a spy to collect technical intelligence, ?not precipitate a nuclear war. ?Right?
Thank you all for your insightful comments. I think all of you are correct; I wanted this to be a story about someone taking over a silo and the struggle of the commander to take it back. But then I thought I needed an extra twist to make it more interesting. But it seems I took a route that is very, very deficient. As you all pointed out, there seems to be a disconnect between the storyline of the struggle for the silo and the spy identity. I can’t take the easy way out. So I’ll need to reconsider how to find a hook that gives it a unique twist while still being connected to the main story line.
Again, thank you very much for your comments, I’ll come back when I have a better logline to offer.