Penpusher
Posted: 2013-11-16T04:59:56+10:00 In:

When a highly-successful psychologist saves a man on the street from suicide, she decides she isn't helping enough people who really need it, and starts a "mobile therapist" ride company, counseling strangers from pick-up to destination; until one-day she accepts a fare across country from a man with real demons to confront.

Mobile Therapist

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    7 Reviews

    1. I like your story! The logline feels a little wordy though. I would personally try to whittle it down a little. Maybe something along the lines of;

      “A successful psychologist starts a “mobile therapist”-company, counseling people from pick up to destination, but realizes she may be in over her head when she finds herself traveling across country alongside a man facing real demons.”

      Again, really like the story. I’d watch the film.

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    2. Penpusher

      Thanks Camilla! I agree it’s wordy, which I often have trouble getting around. But your feedback got me to this new expression:

      A driven young psychologist finds success in her off-time at a ridesharing company, where her powerful insights make her highly sought after, but she realizes she may be in over her head when she finds herself traveling across country alongside a man facing real demons.

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    3. Singularity

      >>>a man facing real demons.

      Is that to be taken literally or figuratively? IOW: what is the genre? Horror, a story of a demonically-driven antagonist? Or a more conventional psycho-drama?

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    4. That is much better Ian, I especially like that you switched “successful” for “driven”, it tells me more about the character. I’m not sure you need to include “in her off-time” however, since it’s not really important to the story it just adds unnecessary words to the logline.

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    5. Penpusher

      Figuratively. It’s a more conventional psychodrama. What I was attempting to do was draw a contrast between her everyday clients and this man who has serious issues to work through. I imagine it’s part road movie, in that she must take him to some physical destination erstwhile undergoing a spiritual process to where he can find closure/freedom and she can feel like she’s done someone actual good.

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    6. Penpusher

      Thanks Camilla. I agree. That was actually the part that confused people I read it to. What off time?, and why would she choose to spend it like that? – was the reaction.

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    7. Singularity

      >>>this man who has serious issues to work through

      Like what? The logline is vague. It lacks a specific problem and a specific objective goal.

      And what’s at stake? That is, what does her client stand to lose if he fails to respond to her therapy?

      The teenager in “Ordinary People” (1980) has a very specific “serious issue”: the impulse to commit suicide because of guilt and anger over the death of his brother in a boating accident. The stakes are as high as they get: his life. He’s already tried to commit suicide once, he may try again.

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