One Shot, One Kill
SaintPeterPenpusher
A former hitman finds out that the agency that hired him 15 years ago is trying to kill him and his family. Now he must protect them from the agency and his past.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
The logline seems fairly clear (I personally like it to be in one sentence though), the issue for me is that it seems too general, I’ve seen it before. I would perhaps include some adjectives describing what makes this story and these characters interesting. For example, instead of “family” you could write “five year old daughter” or something like that to make us more invested in the story.
This logline raises one good question in my mind and two not-so-good questions.
The good question is the forward thinking one you want a logline to raise in a reader’s mind: What happens next?
But, alas, my mind is distracted by 2 other not-so-good questions that look backwards instead of forwards in the story:
1] Why is the company who hired him coming after him?
2] Why has it taken so long? Why 15 years?
As long as my mind trips over these 2 backward looking questions, I am unable to focus my attention and interest on the forward looking question.
Another reason I am unable look forward in the story is because the protagonist has no clearly defined objective goal that he is fighting forwards for. Yes, he must protect his family. That’s a necessary plot point, but it’s only an initial reactive and defensive story beat. After he protects his family, isn’t his objective goal to go on the offense and take down his foes and eliminate the threat altogether?