A FATHER goes searching for his missing son, and his friend, FRANK house sits, hoping the son will come home, unaware, someone is already there with him.

Hi Clint,

You still have the same issue with this reworked logline. We still don’t know who the protag is – the father or Frank? Who are we spending the most time with? Whose story is this?

By the way, it’s recommended to avoid proper names and give us a sense of the character instead. Who is Frank? A retired cop? The father’s estranged brother? “Friend” is too bland…

While his older brother frantically searches for his missing son, a [appropriate adjective] holds down the fort at home, unaware that another presence is in the house with him.

Totally lame, but you get my point – Story A is with Frank in the house and story B is the father searching for his son.

If you can provide a brief synopsis, we may be able to better provide feedback on how to tweak the logline.

Cheers,
Monique