logline: “recent events force a sceptic site operation manager to question the unprecedented deaths of his miners only to discover the mineral in question is otherworldly…”
I am super excited because it’s my first “monster in the house”
spoiler alert:
The mining authorities are infact aliens smuggling their eggs from the earthly portal, aka the quarry!
Your logline is unclear what your lead character must do. Adding that will help improve your logline.
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“After the mysterious death of several miners, a site operation manager must…”
“After discovering a deadly unworldly?mineral, a site operation manager must…”
you’re quite right Richiev
and I apologise for not mentioning it earlier but the manager has recently joined the operations.
some accidents were reported which he reckons to be normal
but then a pattern emerges
Stakes are raised when he tracks down unsolved case of…the previous manager!
you know how a MITH genre has:
1) the Monster: the alien authorities
2) the House: unsolved case of the previous manager holds him back from daring to leave, creating a house
&
3) the Sin: __________(that’s where I am confused)
could it be better if I don’t put it into MITH
instead deal with it as a sci-fi thriller
If only i had “the sin”…
You’re clearly leaning towards a supernatural or a sci-fi thriller genre in your story, let that guide you but don’t religiously adhere to any specific paradigm or definition (Blake Snyder, Monster in the House, his sin…) just yet – at this early stage it’s best to focus on the main character, his motivation and goal.
Why is it so important for this particular operations manager to solve the mystery? Is there more than his job at stake? Could he have a brother or sister working in the mines who he must protect?
Secondly, as Richiev wrote, the logline is unclear. Define the event that motivates the main character to take action – “…recent events…” is too vague and unspecific. It’s also unclear how he knows the mineral is otherworldly and it’s not clear what he intends to do about it.
In general, producers need to know these elements in order to want to read your script. Don’t be afraid of revealing the character’s motivations and goals in a logline – that’s precisely what a logline is meant to do.
>>>3) the Sin: __________(that?s where I am confused)
Implicit in Blake Snyder’s description of the MITH trope is the notion that the monster fulfills the classic role of Nemesis, the retributive, pay back character/force/entity? for some original sin by the protagonist and/or? group to which he? is associated.? IOW, the manifestation of the? MITH in the plot is causal, not coincidental.? The cause lies in the backstory which the protagonist must eventually discover and deal with in order to defeat the MITH.
Take the case of two of the very best MITH films: “Alien” and “Aliens”.? In both cases, the original sin is the Big Bad Corporation ‘s profit motive.? The willingness to intentionally put the lives of the protagonist (and crew) in jeopardy in order to? cash in on the Alien’s military potential, it’s unique offensive and defensive attributes.
And in both movies, that’s the Big Discovery for Ripley, the moment when she realizes she’s being “fucked over for a goddamm percentage” of the profits.
fwiw